Jealous Again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
Jealous Again?
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 9:56pm
I need all the options I can get so please don't hold back good or bad.

My boyfriend has seemed to form a friendship with his real estate, who is a friend

of one of his best friends. Of course she is a girl. He talks about her once in a

while a little too much for me. How she is smart (but she's not pretty) We have been to her house for a client appreciation party. When we walked in the door she hugged him hello. She seemed nice, although I didn't talk to her much and neither did he. He had agreed to do some work on her house, something he wouldn't normally do for someone, as he told me himself. She gave him garden tools that she she wouldn't be using anymore because she is selling her house and buying a condo. She was at his friend party and I wasn't there and he

of course, when I called him there, was talking to her and a couple other friends. She wants us

to come over for more BBQ's and I'm sure he will invite her to his house warming

party. He says she is going to invite us to lots more BBQ's. Even 4th of July.

I'm getting a little sick of HER....I don't know if I should say something

to him about his feelings for her and their budding friendship or keep

my mouth shut because I'm being a jealous jerk. I just want HER to go away

and leave us least find a boyfriend or something. My boyfriend

is a handsome very sweet man.....I'm not sure what's going on if anything

Give me your advice quick before I open my big mouth and say the wrong thing.

I'm sure he wouldn't like it a bit if I had a new friend. HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
In reply to: smokey35
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 10:36pm
Oh, gosh...I know the feeling when you're bursting at the seams to say something, but try to hold yourself back because if you do, you KNOW it'll be the wrong thing, or interpreted badly, and come off as if you're jealous.

Here's my idea - I would think of all your BF's friends, and try to find one that might suit her and then you could go on a double date. You can tell your BF that she must be "lonely" and so you should try to fix her up with someone. The goal here is to give her someone to focus her attention on, so that she can leave your guy alone!

I find it odd that she has all these parties (which have a lot of guests, I'm imagining) and she hasn't got a guy of her own. As nice as your BF is, I'm sure he's enjoying all the attention from her, but can understand that it's getting you steamed.

Good luck - I hope you consider doing this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: smokey35
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 10:37pm
The problem isn't "HER". The problem is that you don't trust your bf. If you did, she could be the most gorgeous woman in the world and you wouldn't have a doubt in your mind. So, is there a reason that you don't trust him, or is it just your own insecurities acting up? Has he done something to make you circumspect of his intentions, or are you just jealous that he is enjoying another woman's company? After all, this woman obviously knows he is in a relationship, and she is not inviting him alone to her BBQ's. She is inviting you, too. Is it possible that you don't have many female friends, and you rely too much on your bf for companionship? Could he be trying to help you foster a friendship with her so that you are not too dependent on him for all your social needs? There are so many possibilities to this situation. Without really knowing more about your relationship, it would be impossible to know for sure what the deal is. And what are you going to accomplish by asking your bf if his intentions are less than honorable? Whatever he says you are still going to believe what your heart is telling you, even if your heart is wrong.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: smokey35
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 10:40pm

Yeah, you're being jealous. At least at this point. There's nothing in there to indicate that she doesn't view him solely as a friend/client, and vice versa. Real estate agents often hug their clients. Their clients represent cash for them. The "client appreciation party" was attended by other clients. Including your bf, and you. He will invite her to his housewarming party because she helped him find his house, where he will talk to her amidst groups of other people, and you will be included in the activity.

Your smoke detector's a wee bit sensitive, if you get my metaphor.

As for the garden tools and the work, was he paid? My guess is he didn't do it for free. And if she was moving into a condo she DIDN'T need those tools.

Don't overreact. Only an insecure, manipulative man likes an irrationally jealous woman.

And, as many women do, your projecting the responsibility for your boyfriend's fidelity upon other women, rather than placing it upon him. It belongs on HIM. You're thinking "if only other women wouldn't come onto my handsome man..." Well, firstly it's not evident she IS coming onto him. Secondly, if she did, and he ACCEPTED, your primary quarrel would be with HIM, not with HER.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
In reply to: smokey35
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 11:07am
I KNOW how annoying it can be when other girls shower your bf with lots of attention and he just gulps it up. People love to be appreciated. She may just genuinely like him as a friend.

That being said, I would be jealous, too. I would definitely assume that she feels more than "friendship" for him. You know how some women can be. Some women just simply have no respect for others' relationships, especially when they don't have a man of their own. She's most likely jealous of YOU.

I would calmly tell your boyfriend how you feel. Just tell him you think she's a little too friendly. Tell him you don't want to go to ALL of her BBQs. Just go to 1 or 2. You trust HIM, right? So I think as long as you make it clear how you feel about her, you've done all you can do.