Jealous boyfriend

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Jealous boyfriend
2
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 9:29am
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about one year now; he's 27 and I'm 26. The problem is jealousy. During the past few weeks I've been going out (once a week) with my brother's fiancee. The first time I had asked him to go out with me on a Friday night, he said he wasn't up to it, so I decided to ask my friend and we made it a girls night out. At the end of our night out, I get all of these phone calls from my boyfriend asking me why I'm out so late and where I'm at and if I'm planning on coming home. We got into this huge argument when I got home and he ended up breaking off one of my kitchen cabinets. Later during the week, I found out that he went out that night, claiming that one of his friends called him later to go out. At first he lied about going out, then finally admitted it.

At first when I moved here, I never really went out. But now that I am, he's wondering why all of sudden I'm doing it. I didn't realize I had a limit of how often I can go out. We're not engaged or married, and when he wants to go out with his friends he does it without asking me. Last week, (I wasn't sure if he was joking around or not) he asked me if any guys hit on me while I was out. And before, he's asked that about the doctors at the hospital I work at. One time he made a comment to my brother that I was staring at one of his friends. It's just all of these little things are starting to bother me. Are these starting to be warning signs??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 9:39am
Do you want to live like this for the rest of your time with him? His jealousy is strong and if he is breaking furniture now, it will soon be you who he harms. the jealousy won't stop unless he sees it as his problem and wants to change. But he blames you now doesn't he?

Don't you deserve someone you can trust who is honest and respectful?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:44am

I dont agree with your BF throwing temper tantrums everytime you spend time with the girls...but i do think that make it a once-a-week thing may be excessive.However, I think a happy medium could be achevied if you could communicate qith each other.


Number one, he needs to get control of his anger.No matter what, nothing gives him the right to destroy anything- whether it be household furniture, ot god forbid, you...so if isnt somethig that can be resolved first, and fast...Id get out anyways...


With that said, what bothers him about you going out?Is that you have been goin out once a week and what seems like making a habit out of it?Or, is it that you stay out late?Assuming that when you go out, its good faithful fun...I would ask if you could set aside one or two days a month and each of you go out with freinds.But, you also need to make an effort to spend time with one another too....and make a set time that you will each be home by and stick to it. I know couples close to me that each go out once a month with their own freinds and they are each home by 2:30, unless other arrangements are made...it seems to work for them...


Good luck,