Jealous of Him Having Friends
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| Sun, 10-03-2004 - 6:52pm |
I moved to VA from NJ in my junior year of high school which was Dec. 2001. Alan and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. I am still adjusting to life here. I haven't been able to make a lot of friends. He grew up here and has many. The other problem is me not having a way to get a car. I don't make enough money to save up. I don't want to get so upset anymore when he goes out with his friends. He invites me to go sometimes, but they are night owls and I need sleep. I want my own friends. My friend Danyel moved to the area from NJ a month before me, but she left for college. And I am still adjusting to being myself arouns this girl Erika I met. Why can't I loosen up? I feel ready to give up. He makes it seem like I am saying he can't have friends and called me an attention whore.
*J*

You are right, you need to stop relyinh on your boyfriend to bring you happiness and go get it yourself. Eventually, this whole "I have no freinds" thing will get old because who wants to babysit their girlfrreind or made to feel that you are responsible for filling their social calander up.
What do you like to do? Whther it be write,act, or play a sport...look into what ytour community has to offer.You'll find it more easy to talk to people and open up because you'll have similar interests and freinds will come more easily to you.
Best wishes....
Carrie
But it is absolutely necessary to be able to have fun and be happy whether or not he's around. My clinginess in the beginning nearly killed our relationship. It's still occasionally a problem now, and I have to check myself.
But now I have a very tight circle of friends and plenty of people I can rely on to go out and have a good time. Craig's List is a wonderful way to start; look in the community section, look for activity partners. Actually, my closest friends came out of volunteering. I found something I felt passionate about (Habitat for Humanity, in my case), and got out to site and swung a hammer. There, I was immediately surrounded by tons of people who were passionate about the same thing, close to my age, had similar values, and were simply terrific, fun people. When you're in that environment, it's hard to feel socially awkward for long. Or, perhaps check out an alumni society or something similar for a school that you attended, and hook up with people in your area that might have common experiences. Join a community group, like a choir or theatre group, etc. Take classes - I'm taking a language class at a community college and a ballet class at a local studio, and I've met lots of great people that way, too.
Really, I know it's intimidating and feels like an uphill battle to invest the time and energy into getting to know new people in a new place. But it's not only totally necessary, but it's also completely worth it. It will not only make you feel better, but it will drastically reduce the pressure on your relationship. I promise you that the sort of dependence you're experiencing, while totally understandable, is very damaging to your relationship. So, put in a little energy upfront and reap the benefits!
Good luck.