Jealous of Husband's Friend's Wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Jealous of Husband's Friend's Wife.
4
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 11:58am
I came to the United States a couple of months back. I was brought up in a traditional

environment in Asia where dating and getting close to the opposite sex before marriage

is a big taboo.

The day one I landed here I was introduced to my hubby's friend's wife. My hubby never stops talking about her. He compares me to her on every instance.

She is a sexy woman, always in skimpy , slut outfits and I find her being close to by hubby.

I am forced to accept this family as I do not have anyone else in this country.

She has no respect to her husband and treats him like a puppet.

I am depressed and jealous and even accuse my husband of having affair with her.

All this is too much for me to take in and in a state of culture shock.

I don't know what I am supposed to do.

Any help appreciated.

Avatar for kidshilleen
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 3:25pm
#1 What in the world???? Your husband should NEVER compare you to someone else like that!

#2 I think in this situation the only quick fix would be to.......confront the skank!

Girlfriend, YOU ARE IN THE USA NOW, where we stand up for ourselves - don't let anyone talk to you or walk on you at any time.

I would ask her flat out what her intentions are and I wouldn't care who didn't approve. I would make it clear that she is not acting like a happily married woman.

Sometimes gaining respect as a new citizen or family member is not to let it continue and to put your foot down. You have to set some healthy boundaries for yourself, with your husband AND his friends. I just don't see how it could make things any worse and I can see how it would make things better

I'm sorry, I am not usually this self rightous.......okay, so I am usually this self rightous - I just hate to see anyone that is new to an area and being taken advantage of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 10:29am

this is terrible! i am so sorry for your pain. i understand that you are far away from your family, but is there ANYONE who might help you? do you have any relatives in the US?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 1:10pm

Rather than accuse your husband of having an affair with her, sit down with him calmly and let him know that this situation is just not acceptable to you. It is making you feel upset and disrespected. There is no reason why he should keep on comparing the two of you. This kind of behavior is designed to make you feel insecure and also jealous and to make himself important. Let him know that you must be respected in a relationship and this behavior has to stop. Unless he can listen to you, respect you, and take your feelings into consideration you do not have the basis for a secure or healthy marriage. As you do not have any family here, I suggest you see a counsellor about this situation if it continues. Realize that just because you are in a new country and culture, you are not a slave to this man. You can also decide to leave any situation that is not healthy and right for you.


Get yourself a good support system. Join activities that are of interest, meet friends, go to a church or other religious insitution that is meaningful to you. You need to have a world of your own so that you can feel strengthened and supported in doing and getting what is right for you.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 7:27pm
Hi, what a painful, difficult situation for you! I think the best thing you can do is to contact a domestic abuse shelter/office. I think your husband's comparing you to his friend's wife is emotional abuse. I suspect you put up with as much as you could, and you just can't take any more. Even if what he's doing isn't considered abusive in the fullest sense of the word, a domestic abuse office would offer you support and guidance. They also have support groups that women attend that are still with their "abusers". There's no judgement, just women listening to each other.

He shouldn't be making you feel this way! My heart goes out to you. Take care.