jealous over nothing
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jealous over nothing
| Sun, 08-08-2004 - 8:42pm |
me and my girlfriend are in a very loving relationship. however, recently, i am becoming jealous of her first boyfriend. it never happened to me before, but i am jealous of her first being the first, so to speak. sometimes i think about what it was like for her, and i get angry. i am trying to control it, but i want to know any other way i can help me get past this and be comfortable with the idea.

Can we talk man to man????
There's no way in hell you can turn the clock back and BE THE FIRST GUY WHO WAS INTIMATE WITH HER.
What you should be doing is loving the fact that THIS WOMAN is IN LOVE with YOU! And any past boyfriends she may have had...MEAN NOTHING TO HER! .
You're building a relationship on what's going on NOW....not on something that happened six months ago. If you honestly love this lady...and the feeling is mutual...throw the crap from her past away and never bring it up again!
Capiche????
Pianoguy
What happens if you break up and the next girl has the same issue with your past, though you may love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, but she's jealous of your first girlfriend?
You have to be able to accept her past, it's made her who she is, made her ready for you. Make new memories.
Carrie
also, she's pretty jealous of my exes too, and quite determined to talk about it. i've done my level best to reassure her, and its gotten a lot better. my own strategy, which might be flawed, is to try not to think about her ex at all, not to talk about it, but she brings it up now and then, and sometimes i cant help myself but do so too. she also talks occasionally about how her first time changed her much. she's definitely over her ex, but it annoys me that the first time was so important to her, and that it wasn't me, and then the images start coming hard and fast.
how do i get rid of the *images*?
Aren't you acting a little childish about an event that has already happened?
Where will this continuous "loop" get you? The answer is NO WHERE!
A little less conversation from you on this issue might stop the verbiage from her side?
Don't respond the next time the subject comes up. The less that you say...and the more you act like a grownup...the two of you will be able to move forward with the relationship you have now!
Pianoguy
There are allot of couples out there that have more likely and most definately had past relationships with other people and yes some of them could have been more special than others ,But wat u need to think about right now is that what you have with your girlfriend is special and the more you think about this the more it will get to you,She proberbly thinks her first time was special because she was in love with this guy but now thats over and shes in love with you , you need to start thinking about urs and her relationship instead of her and past boyfriends.
If she brings him up in subject just tell her how you feel,Its better to let her know how you feel to make her see how much bringing the first time thing up is getting to you and makes you think about him/it even more.
she will more likely tell you that it doesnt matter now and that she has you and that she loves you and even though its not her first its still special.
Just remember to work on you and her now not worry about other things in the past that shouldnt matter anymore.
Good Luck with it
Jade
but its still affecting me, i don't want it to, so i'm wondering if there are any concrete strategies i could use, besides... getting over it? because i do get over it pretty fast whenever it comes up, but the images still appear intrusively, and i want them to stop. to be blunt... we could be having sex, and then i'll suddenly have the images, and i'll totally lose my erection despite my best efforts.
pianoguy, my girlfriend was previously very jealous of roughly the same thing too, and not in response to my jealousy or verbiage. however, we talked about it *a lot for a month, and now she's handling her jealousy very well.
i guess i'm asking whether its better to talk about it, or not, when the images and feelings come? should i think about it to the point where i get bored about it? or get over it and not think about it? also, talking about it... would just be a rehash of my conversations with her during that month, only the roles would be reversed. would be, again, i know, silly and childish.
but primarily, i want to know if anything can be done about the images.
There are 3 schools of thought here....
1. The school of talking something to death without reaching any concrete solutions.
2. The school of correcting a problem that you know exists and FIXING ONCE & FOR ALL!
3. The school of ignoring the problem and letting it fester.
So it comes down to the choice you (and your g/f) wish to pursue as a couple. Frankly, I would opt for School #2...and graduate with a relationship that's a lot happier!
Pianoguy
The more you think about it the more its going to get to you , the same thing happend to me here and i ended up thinking i should leave this person cause of it getting out of control cause of me bringing it up and always goin on about her so he got annoyed with me and things like that. But u have a choice u either forget about it urself and understand that u cant change things and you cant turn back time and that the more you think about it,it isnt doing you any good cause ur not helping yourself when you do or you let this get out of control so that ur thinking about it 24-7,you wont get bored of it cause maybe once you have sex after getting bored of it ,it will more likely come into your mind again and this will all make you think about it again as ive said so many times here you can only sort it out urself.
Plus the more you bcome none errect half way through sex then she will more likely think shes doing something wrong and im sure you dont want that.
Again good luck
Jade
thanks!