Jealous of the past-help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Jealous of the past-help!
4
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 9:37am
Hello-
I have been with my bf for almost a year. We were living about 2 hours away and a couple of weeks ago, he moved to the city I live in. He is a great guy and I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. Here is my problem-I'm obsessed with his past. He has been with a lot more girls than I have been with guys and I'm always asking questions and he always answers me honestly and then I get upset....why and I doing this to myself and why can't I stop when I clearly know that I'm hurting only myself and potentially ruining this relationship...I have no fears that he will cheat on me and he goes out of his way to reassure me that I am the one he wants and so on....please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 12:37pm

Welcome to the board cctb2006,


You are sabotaging your relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 1:42pm
I've been doing the same thing. I've been with my bf for 4 months. He started by rattling off the history of his relationships. He said that the last one was 3 years and the break up, over a year ago, was tough to get over. She comes up from time to time, when he brings her up, and he says things like, "we had so much fun! i was CRAZY about her." And, that drives me crazy. And, makes me jealous. So, is that my self esteem, or the fact that I'm with someone who's hung up on his ex and should not be dating til he gets over her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:07pm

You should ask him to tone it down. "hey, listen I'm not a jealous person or anything, but it tends to bother me when you tell me about how crazy you were over you ex and I'd rather not have to hear that. I feel kind of disrespected when you do that."

Either he'll feel badly and stop doing it, or he'll become whiny and tell you that you're overreacting. Hopefully he deals with it well, you shouldn't have to listen to him talk about how great his ex was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:17pm
I know that a big part of mine is self esteem....I was married before and my ex husband cheated on me and made me feel like it was all my fault. But, I know that what I'm doing now is my fault-my bf doesn't bring up any past gf's on his own and he tells me all the time that he has never loved anyone as much as me-so for his part, he is trying to make me feel better about things-I just can't stop asking the questions!