Jealousy: Am I right, or is he?
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| Thu, 08-26-2004 - 1:09pm |
Here's a long story summed up: I have had a male friend since early childhood that has always been around along with two other female friends. The four of us have always hang out. I started seeing a guy I met a year ago around the same time. When the relationship became more serious, he became jealous of this male friend. (This friend, I might add, is borderline homosexual and does not pose any threat. He was a band geek in HS.) Though jealous, my boyfriend would 'tolerate it'.
Two weeks ago, my boyfriend told me about a serious drinking problem his father had, thus my boyfriend doesn't drink. A few days later, with my group of friends (including my male friend) I had one strawberry daquiri, and later mentioned it to my boyfriend.
My boyfriend felt hurt and betrayed, but after a few days he forgave me. What he has not forgiven is that I 'drank' with this male friend. (Nothing happened, or was going to. Other people were there.) He now loathes my male friend more than ever, and threatens that if I want to hang out with him and my other friends again, it will 'rip' our relationship apart.
Now, I'm almost certain he was just looking for a reason to blame my male friend and to hate him. He just is jealous and doesn't want me to be around him, and this is a good excuse. Do you guys think I'm right, or does he have a good reasoning?
I will not sacrifice a good friendship for my relationship... does anyone have any suggestions? I love him very much, and do not want to break up. I'm looking for alternative solutions to try and work through this before we come to that.

I agree it is not right that ruin a good friendship for you bf. I let my ex control too much of my life when we were together and I really regret it. Good luck.
You're not going to be able to work through this, because that would require him to be an emotionally stable, well-adjusted person, which he is not. He is controlling and abusive and this will not get better. One of the things that abusers do is to try and isolate you from friends then family, and the controlling behavior does not stop there. And before you object and say he wasn't always like this, or how great he is in other ways, realize that abusers usually don't reveal their true nature early in the relationship because they know they can't hook someone if they do. You'd run screaming from him if he acted like this on the second date. The fact that you've been dating for a year doesn't make any difference.