Jealousy, Doubt, & Worries..CONSUMING ME

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Jealousy, Doubt, & Worries..CONSUMING ME
4
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 4:24pm

My boyfriend and I are giving our love a second chance. Though we are young in are early twenties and in college I believe he is the one for me & it is still possible to have a healthy relationship.

My boyfriend had numerous female friends whom one he put before me, and several who he had flirtatious and sexual conversations with on the internet, and a couple that he would "visit" at all hours of the night. He really was unappreciative of the time and money I would spend on him. I would cry and let him know my feelings. Our relationship was pretty rocky, but finally came to a screeching halt during his "Birthday Bash." Here is where I drove alone five hours out of my way to spend time with him. I showed up and his "Best girlfriend" would not let him out of her sight & who she was also being really catty with me. Doing the normal stuff like the whispers & the looks sizing me up. Another female went up to him right in front of me & told him "Don't act like you have never had me before." That night was definitely the straw that broke that camel’s back.

I left him the very next day. 6 months we went without talking. I knew he wanted to be back with me, because he tried to get in contact with me. By this time I had let my love for him turn into anger and then hate. During these six months is when I was sleeping with his best friend...Yes my ex-boyfriend at the time found out about our affair. I want to think that I am a better person than that, but I wasn't. It was a terrible thing to find comfort in his best friend’s arms and attention. I can't lie though in the moment it felt good, a malicious kind of good. I am ashamed and regretful till this day. Shockingly enough though my ex-boyfriend still wanted to get back with me! For a couple of months we addressed our problems and both of our pasts gave each other TLC. We fell in love again and got back together.

Not a month into our new relationship where I thought we had come so far, a older female ex-coworker of his came knocking at his window at six in the morning. She came to be with him and let me know that she was his girlfriend. Of course he denied being with her. Telling me they only had several phone conversations and he wasn't with her that he loved me. Just when I thought all the women and his best friend in my past were kept in the past, I saw my world crumbling before my eyes again. And again, my heart broke.

As I type, and tears fall down my face, I want you to know that I love this man with all my heart. Now in our relationship I am consumed my jealousy, doubt, & worries. Every woman around him is another potential heartbreak in my eyes. I have not healed yet. How do I get back to that TRULY HAPPY place that I used to be at with myself? How Do I get over this jealousy? How do I learn to love myself again so I can love him and our relationship the healthy way?

- Corazon

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 4:59pm

Welcome to the board corazon08,


In my opinion, you have everything right to be worried. Did you believe your bf that this girl was lying? It seems a little far fetched to me. But if you wanted to work on your jealousy consider seeing a counselor.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 5:54pm

Corazon, you're confusing jealousy with commonsense.

Your gut is telling you to not trust him. And based on past history and current events, your gut would be right.

Leave him before this eats you up and don't give him a third chance.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 6:21pm
You don't need to get over your jealousy, doubts and worries. You need to embrace them and kick the guy who is causing them to the curb. You will NEVER feel safe and valued with a man you can't trust. He doesn't love you or your relationship in a healthy way. If he did these women would not be swarming around him causing trouble because he would not allow it. He would not cultivate questionable relationships with women. Best case scenario, he's an insecure guy who loves the attention and doesn't care how much it hurts you. Worst case scenario, he's lying to you and cheating on you. Either should be a deal breaker for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:37pm

Is it *him* you love, or the excitement of a rollercoaster relationship? From your description of him, there's not much in him worth loving.

I'm sure he's a charmer, after all, how else would he attract all these women? But he also sounds rather disfunctional. Normal people don't have ex-coworkers claiming to be their girlfriend knocking on their window at 6 am!

Relationships can be so much fun and relaxing, so why do you want to put up with such drama? If you need excitement, pick up a hobby like rock climbing. Relationships shouldn't be painful, especially not at the beginning!