Jealousy going to ruin relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Jealousy going to ruin relationship?
2
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 2:43pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months. We are in a very loving and positive relationship and people have commented on how great we are together. The problem is, we both tend to be jealous people. It's not an angry jealous, it's more that we get upset at the idea; we never really lash out at each other. For the most part, I don't feel that comfortable with him going out to a party or a club w/his friends and he feels the same way about me. We've never cheated on each other and everything else in our relationship is great. I've never had this problem in a relationship before but I've also never felt this strongly about someone. I'm worried that both of our jealous tendencies will lead to bigger problems in our relationship. Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 3:54pm

It seems like you both are a little insecure of things, especially with your feelings towards bars and clubs. Its almost as if you are both scared that you'll lose one another to someone the other one meets at the bar...is this how the both of you met? As these feelings are somewhat natural, letting them go far enough can be self destructive. Have you guys gone to the club together?


These are feelings that both of you need to work through, eventually, it will stonewall your relationship.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 4:48pm
It sounds like you both have trust issues. These are your own issues that you need to deal with. Don't worry about his issues, let him worry about them. It is natural to be jealous when you really like someone, but it's what you do with the jealousy that matters. you need to ask yourself "do I really think he cheated or would cheat on me?" If you still answer yes, then maybe you aren't ready for a relationship. If there isn't trust it's not a good thing. As long as he goes out with his friends, but comes home to you, that's all that matters. You need to respect his need to hang out with his friends and vice versa. So don't give him ANY crap when he goes out, and the minute he starts to give you crap, you tell him "I don't give you crap anymore, so don't give me crap." A little jealousy is normal, especially in a new relationship.....7 months isn't that long. But, the more time you spend together, and the better you get to know each other, the jealousy should be less and less. If it gets worse, then you both need to sit down and have a serious talk about what you both really want, and why are you in teh relationship. Your situation doesn't sound too serious to me.....if he starts being abusive though, get out ASAP. There is a huge difference between a little jealousy and being CONTROLLING.

Good luck!