Jealousy in previous relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2014
Jealousy in previous relationships
Fri, 03-28-2014 - 12:16pm

Hi all,

I am 31 years old.

I got married at 29 and got divorced about 6 months later. My ex wife was my first gf.

I had 2 more relationships after that, one lasted about 4 months, the other about 1 month.

In the last month or so I am in a relationship which I beleive is very good for me. My gf really cares about me, really wants it to work out. And we are both extremely attracted to each other.

When we started dating I told her that I neither want to hear about previous relationships she had, nor to tell about mine.

But this strategy doesn't seem to help. It bothers me to the extent that I'm not sure I can live with it.

I know that the way I see the things is wrong. It's just the way it works in our society. And I honestly believe that if I was a more sensible man it wouldn't bother me in the least, since she has no contact with any of the men she had been in relationship with, and she wasn't in any relationship for over 2 years (until we met).

But I just can't help it... If it was someone else's story I would definitely recommend him to keep it and to do his very best to make this relationship flourish. Problem is that it's my story... would like to hear your opinions very much.


(by the way, I'm not a native english speaker so you may find some of my sentences phrased funny)


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 3:20pm

Both of you are entitled to have had a life before you met.  Whether or not each of you wants to know or not know about previous partners, all that matters is that you agree on that and follow thru, right?  I didn't know much about my DH's romantic past and ten years married was when I found out some things I wish he'd just continued to keep to himself, I had no need to know but he blurted it out.  Still wish I didn't know!  Does it really matter to you?  Why?  As long as you know both of you are not passing along STDs to the other, all I can say is we all have a past and unless it's things you find so morally objectionable you can never get past it, let it go. 


Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Fri, 04-04-2014 - 9:55am

As the other person mentioned, you just described yourself as a "player". Play a woman until you "get" her and then drop her and move on to the next one. I'm not exactly sure where this behavior comes from but I suspect your lack of experience with women in your earlier years, may have lead you to this. Before you were not getting girls, and now in later years you find you can get girls, and your mind is on a quest to prove to yourself over and over that you are capable of getting girls. I think the best way to quash this pattern is to meet a woman who is truly right for you. I believe this can cause a seismic shift in your thinking. Up until this point in your life you have not found this person. When you do i think it will dawn on you that she is a "keeper" and you will not seek to move on to a different woman. So maybe the best advice is give yourself time to find your true match.