Jealousy Problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Jealousy Problems
4
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 11:12am
I have a jealousy problem(I admit it) that is causing a lot of strain in my relationship , the problem is that my boyfriend is now saying to me that if I dont change we will have to break up . I know that I gotta change and that takes time but now I feel afraid that he will leave me if I we have another fight or somenthing. He had never done somenthing bad to me he is a good guy , but for some reason I am always fighting for somenthing , he now is away in a business assigment and since he left , thats when the problems truly began. I feel that if you love someone you do with their good things and bad , he in the other hand thinks that even though he loves me he dosent have to take my jealousy .

Who is wrong here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 11:18am
'I feel that if you love someone you do with their good things and bad'

That is a very simplistic, cut-and-dry statement. Do you think this is true of abusive behavior and cheating?

If your jealousy is so bad that you spend a lot of time accusing him of looking at other women or not wanting him to watch movies with pretty actresses or not wanting him to have friends that are girls then you are putting a lot of pressure on him. Also, you are sending a huge message to him that you don't trust him. Relationships are based on trust.

He is right.

If you want to change, then get help. See a counselor and find out the root of your problem. Why are you so jealous? Did your parents have a tumultous relationship with one of them cheating or accusing the other? Have you been cheated on in the past?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 11:31am
I have been betrayed once , and my parents have been married for 30years and for the past 5 I havent seen any affection between them . Its strange because I am not bad looking at all , I even worked as a promotional model for many years and now I am working as a flight attendant. I dont see were this insecurity comes from, but I do agree with you , if I continue this toxic jealousy thing I need to get help for it , because and and all I have this wonderful man who I know he loves me and that has put up with my insecurity for a long time. I dont want to loose him .
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 2:04pm
Sometimes you just have to work to keep that jealousy from rearing it's ugly head. I have a bit of a jealousy problem in that sometimes I feel icky when he talks of an ex or makes a comment about a hot celeb, but I know that he loves me and that my feeling is unfounded. It's my own problem, not his so he doesn't deal with it. I keep it inside and sometimes I hate the feeling but am able to talk myself out of it. I have been betrayed in the past --quite badly. And I'm sure that's from where it stems for a lot of us people that deal with this issue. But just remember that the actions of one man doesn't define the actions of another man.

I recommend getting some counseling. You've taken the first big step in admitting you have this problem and the desire to do what you can to change it. I say there's plenty of hope for you yet! :)

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 5:01am
hey, i am also very jealous. my boyfriend has always told me he doesnt look at other girls, because he doesnt need too. but resently he told me he does. he doesnt look at celebs because he would never get with them, but knowing that he checks out girls at the mall when he is alone bothers me. i know its something that shouldnt just like you know that, but its hard ya know? i cant say i trust my boyfriend because of things he has said and done to me, but if i had trust in my realtionship, i wouldnt care at all. i think if your boyfriend hasnt ever done anything wrong, then just let him be. all guys look and theres nothing we can do to change that. if he doesnt talk about wanting another girl, or you dont catch him gawking at another girl, i wouldnt worry. he only wants to be with you. go to a counciler, they can help you overcome your jealously. but if i was you, i wouldnt worry....