Jealousy is ruining my relationship!
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| Fri, 07-09-2004 - 7:06pm |
I have a combination of jealousy and insecurity issues that I desperately would like to change because it is affecting my life in a big way. I think that the first (and a very important) step is realizing that I have a problem. But now that I realize that I have a problem, I do not know how to resolve it. My relationship with my boyfriend is suffering, along with other relationships I have with friends and random people I interact with. :(
People have been talking about me behind my back and to my boyfriend about my behavior and my (skewed) perception on things, and it is frustrating (not to mention embarassing)! I do not want to be labeled a "crazy" person, nor do I want to be so negative in my life. I know I have self-esteem issues, which probably contribute to the jealousy. I know that my boyfriend loves me, yet I cannot stop myself from getting mad when another girl talks to him or hugs him, etc. What is wrong, and how can I help it? I feel like there is a missing link that I need in order to change my behavior. I am more than willing to work at it; I just don't know HOW. Can anyone help?
Thank you so much.

I once was in a four year relationship with someone and at around year 2 I had major jealously issues which put as at odds with each other. What I had to do is learn to do was fully trust him, but by making sure that avoid being niave. If I got angry I had to learn to suppress those feelings and not act. Yes I got angry and many times it burned me up, but I worked really hard to keep it to myself and remind myself that there must be a reason why he is with me. In the end I realized that he really did love me and that showing him that I could control my emotions and show my trust that everything was worthwhile. Usually after doing that it becomes natural.
Actually in my case the next year the tables turned!
Destiny
I think that if the above applies to you, that the best thing you can do for your relationship is to recognize what you're feeling and free associate as to why you might be feeling that way. A lot of times, what I find out in that relaxed state is far different than what I would have thought was the problem. Doing this helps me to keep my feelings from escalating out of control, damaging a relationship and having to apologize later. B-vitamins also help with stress and emotional control.
Aside from your perceptions of your own behavior, what do you think of the other women's actions? Are they just being friendly, or are they flirtatious? That can make a big difference in how you would react to things. That would be especially true if he seemed to be flirting back. A lot of people say flirting is harmless, and maybe a lot of times it is, but if it's bothering you, your bf should have enough concern for you to be honest and stop if that's what you want.
I hope life gets smoother for you.