Jealousy tearing us apart

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Jealousy tearing us apart
3
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 3:10pm

My boyfriend of a year and a half has always been honest about his past in general and his past relationships. That's okay with me... we all have a past. But he's really good friends with his ex-girlfriend, who he dated for about 4-5 years. He had a girlfriend in between her and me, but this one ex is so entwined in his life. They see each other about once a month, she calls him a few times a month, she IMs him a few times a week, and she texts him at least once a day. They broke up about 4 years ago, but it sounded like she had a lot of trouble with it. She couldn't handle talking to him like a regular person until just last year (3 years after they broke up)! She's got some issues with me, I think. For example, she had a birthday dinner a few months ago and invited a few of her friends (including my boyfriend) and all their significant others, except for me. Then during my BF's birthday, she texted him all day and even at night while we were out to dinner. She only stopped texting after my BF told her we were out together. She also "booty/drunk" texted my BF once (yes, those were her words). My BF was actually really good about his responses and keeping it normal.

My BF and I love each other and he has not done anything to make me doubt our relationship and he honestly would never do anything to hurt me. I know that these are my issues, but I never had jealousy issues before... And I hate that I am jealous of this girl who I don't even know and whom I shouldn't even compare myself to. He's with me now and he cares so much about me. We've had so many fights about this and if I keep bringing it up, it's going to drive us apart. Not to mention, I'm personally going nuts. I hate feeling this way. How can I battle these feelings before I lose him or drive myself crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 3:50pm

Welcome to the board cybercrap2007,


I can see why you are upset about his relationship with his ex. Her behavior is a little out of line in my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 4:22pm

Welcome to the board cybercrap2007,


I agree with Carrie. I can see why and understand why you are upset about this. She acts as though she wants more than a friendship with him. Otherwise, she would have invited you to the birthday party.


What does your bf say when you talk to him about this issue?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 4:38pm
He is willing to do whatever it takes to make it better, but he's tired of always talking about it, and frankly, so am I. He has offered to mention me more often so she gets the idea. He also offered to make sure that the next time she invites people to do something, that he will definitely ask to bring me along and if she won't let him, then he won't go. He always chooses me over her -- that's not an issue at all. He always tells me that she could try to win him back, but he doesn't want her back -- he always tells me that he loves me and only me. I just don't want her to get to me or us; otherwise, it's like she's winning. I want to be cool about it (like I've been in my previous relationships. Because bottom line, I have to trust him. There's something great about knowing that she is trying so hard and at the end of it all, he wants to be my boyfriend and not hers. He got over her a long time ago, that's why he broke it off with her, despite her pleadings and begging. I just wish she would get over him and leave him alone.