Is this just a bump in the road?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Is this just a bump in the road?
7
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 2:14pm

I have been dating this guy for 7 months and we are living together. Everything started off great. We talk, we go out for drinks and dinner, etc. We went to Vegas in October and that turned out to be a huge disaster. We fought and i would end up crying by the end of the night. After that trip it seems like whenever we do go out we end the night with a fight that leads me to tears. I finally talked to him about what is going on and he believes that even though he loves me and wants to try and make this work, we moved way to fast. I agree we started living with each other very early on. I will agree with that. I even agree that I am a little more sensitive then others and crying when we are fighting may not be the best thing. I just don't know if him feeling we've moved to fast will over power us trying to move forward. I believe since we are here why not work on what we have instead of us both getting scared and bailing. We use to talk about our future and how god had a plan for us to be together because we knew each other 7 years before we started dating (I know some people may think how cheesy). We don't have those kind of talks anymore. We have a lot of assuming and miscommunication and now we try to reassure each other we want this to work. We always say "I love you" and I do love him, I don't want to lose my best friend. I don't know if we have entered a phase most couples enter at this point

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 2:28pm

I think that most people do get to that point (usually just before one year anniversary) where you start questioning your relationship and your feelings. What you do

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 3:40pm

Rootbeereyes, I suspect that moving too fast doesn't have a whole lot to do with the issues you're facing now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 4:16pm

From talking with my boyfriend in the past, he feels we missed the "dating" step. He feels we went from being great friends to this relationship and didn't get a chance to know each other romantically. That I don't really agree with. We have fought maybe 4 times, including the Vegas fight, since being with each other and they have been something really stupid such as me stopping him almost get into a fight with someone, or trying to get home in one peace after having a party with his brother. The last fight we had was he felt I don't stick up for myself with my mom. In his previous relationship his ex has 2 kids and that relationship came to end after being with her for 4 years. His ex and the kids dad are very unfit parents battling a bad custody war. He is now tearing himself up because those little girls are going through that and he left after being apart of their lives for 4 years. I think that is what he is struggling with deep down and now he is bringing that into our relationship. So instead of not blaming himself for those little girls and how their parents are, he is feeling so bad and so lost. Our problems occurred when this situation came out but he wont admit that. So now he says he felt we moved to fast and he thinks it is not normal to have fights being 7 months into our relationship. If we fight now over stupid stuff what's it going to be like 2 or 8 years down the road. He went from knowing I was the one and telling me how I mean to him and he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me to suddenly things moved to fast, he feels lost but he wants to work on things. I just don't know what to think about this. And Im trying so hard not to assume to much about what's going wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 5:04pm

I agree with him. It's not a good sign to have fights like this after only seven months. Relationships that last should not be so difficult.

You can know a person for almost a decade, and be best friends, but getting into a relationship with them is a completely different scenario... You see sides of one another that never existed (that you knew of) before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 12:15am

He's right.......it was too fast.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 7:01am

He is not the one battling custody, its his ex and father of her children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 4:24pm

"I don't know if we have entered a phase most couples enter at this point