Is this just cold feet? HELP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Is this just cold feet? HELP!!
1
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 12:46pm
I am engaged to be married in less than a year and I am having second thoughts. The biggest issue I am having is living on the east coast. My fiance is in the navy and his career requires him to travel about 50-75% of the time. I moved out here from the west coast a year ago to see if I would like it and if I could handle his work schedule. He is doing something he has always dreamed of and truly loves his career, and we are living in his home town...so he is happy as can be. Things have gone pretty good me this first year here, I have a great job, a great group of girlfriends and I have made a huge effort to get involved and keep busy when he is away. I have also made several trips back home and everyone has visited me over this past year.

Now that I am settled in I know the trips home and visitors will slowly die down and I am worried that I wont be completely satisfied. I miss home and my family like crazy, and with his career we will be here in Virginia for the majority of the next 8-17 years. The reason we both fell for each other in the beginning is we both love doing activities outside...triathlons, kayaking, running, biking, hiking....you name it. But now that he is really into his career he doesn't want to do those things as much and I have a hard time doing them here on my own. One is we are very isolated...the nearest hiking mnt. is about 3 hours away. I am sure in time I will find other friends that will enjoy to do these things with me, but I thought getting married we would still be able to do the things we love together. I love my fiance very much, he has the biggest heart and is so caring and wonderful. I just worry that I will not have the partner in life I had hoped to have to share life experieces with one another since it is so tough to try and schdule just weekend roads trips with his work schedule.

Also lately I find that we don't have a lot to talk about. He is playing war all day while I work in the business world. We both have a hard time finding things in common to talk about, and we both have a hard time relating to each others friends. So to say the least I am a bit concerned about going through with this marriage. He leaves in a month for 6 months and we had planned to get married when he returned. I have told him how I am feeling about the area and missing home and that I am worried about living this life style, but there is really nothing he can do about it(this decision is all up to me). I knew what I was getting into when I moved out here, but what do I do now? I am 31 years old and I had hoped to start a family in the next few years. How will it all be with kids and how will we be able to plan family trips, will it still be tough to relate to one another?

Is love strong enough to keep the west coast gal happy on the east coast?

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 2:22pm

Maybe you need to call off the engagement until you figure this out?