Just got dumped
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Just got dumped
| Mon, 01-28-2008 - 7:23am |
I had been dating a wonderful man 9 months we met speed dating. We had lots of common interests. We spent Christmas & New Years in Australia. We have had several communication breakdowns and a few months ago I started therapy to better understand my communication style (or lack there of). At 6 months, we exchanged the "I love yous" and agreed it was too soon to know if we would get married. I didn't expect him to know at this point, if he wanted to get married. It was too soon. I told him we should look where we are in one year. So on this trip, we had several communication break downs. I was being "bratty", he was being a "jerk". Overall, we get along fine. He would tell me often, I was super sweet, he loved me, I was his best girlfriend, etc. and I would reciporcate. I knew we had to work on our communication. After our trip I asked him if he thought our communication could improve, the first time, he didn't respond, I asked him a week later and he said "I don't know". This was a bit concering. I had told my therapist I wasn't sure

Breaking up is the worst. I'm really sorry.
If you want to help understand his behavior better, I'll try to help.
"I told him we should look where we are in one year. So on this trip, we had several communication break downs. I was being "bratty", he was being a "jerk". "
Being in close quarters together for a period of time and spending 24-7 together can sometimes be an indicator of how well you'll do living together. If you get on one another's nerves, it's not a great sign. You went to Australia with the intention of having a great time and it didn't turn out the way you wanted. I'm sure that left a pretty bad taste in his mouth.
"I get sensitive and immediately think things are going to end (hence why I started therapy). I told him that if he didn't think it could improve that we need to reconsider our relationship at that point."
Nobody wants to be in a relationship that feels as though it's constantly in jeopardy. Too many "we should break up"s or "I'm rethinking our relationship"s will damage a relationship irreparably. There needs to be a sense of permanence, otherwise you make your foundation shakier and shakier.
"He broke up with me telling me he didn't "feel " it for me and that he didn't see a future together. It's so odd that he told me that I was a great girl, a normal girl, it seems he went from really strong emotions to realizing that he just doesn't see a future with me."
It sounds as though he was really trying to get back into that groove he had with you before, where he felt really good about you, but it just didn't happen. It's not odd that he told you that you were a great girl, I'm sure he still thinks you are but just not the right girl for him. It sounds as though he personally needs someone more easygoing and you just didn't fit that bill at this time. Therapy is a great solution for you and I hope it will help you personally, but it sounds as though he just wants a girl who fits him *now* and not someone he would have to wait for to see if she does in the future.
"What I don't get, is that right before our trip he wanted me to go visit his family (I didn't go because I couldn't afford to buy the ticket). But right after our trip, he told me his mom wanted him to bring me for easter but he did not want to. Why did he change so quickly?"
You know the answer to that. The trip probably played a huge part in sealing your fate with him - I don't think he necessarily used it as a deliberate "test" but it showed him a lot that he needed to see, and from there, questions he had about your relationship were easier for him to answer.
It really sucks what happened, I wish you the best of luck!!
Thank you! I"m still in the denial phase of "but, but"...
Welcome to the board agrrdr,
You might want to follow the link below to the Breaking up is Hard to do board.... in the resource section of that board, there is a lot of info, including a post titled Relationship Grieving Process.