Just HOW do you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Just HOW do you know?
5
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 5:31am

Hi all,


I am dating the most AMAZING guy imaginable. Ever since we got together it has been absolutely fantastic. He is 27 and I am 20... yeh, a bit of an age gap! The other day he told me that not a day goes by that he doesn't think about how he is going to propose to me, and he has said on a number of occassions that he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. We have only been together for about 7 months, which to me seems a little early to be talking about marriage!


I haven't really been in many long-term relationships, and I know that I have never been in love before now. But HOW do I know that this guy is the one? He tells me he is sure, but I am so young and I am scared that maybe I will never know if he really is the one for me?


Just how do you know if he is "the one?"... I'm so lost


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 8:33am

You know when you've spent years together, gone through thick and thin, when he's supported you when you most needed it, proven that he'd do anything for you, when you've seen one another at your best and worst, and become an inseparable part of one another's lives, integrated yourselves into one another's family and friends

20 is really young to think about marriage. I've always held on to the belief that the younger you are, the longer you should date someone before making that commitment.

Time will tell. Don't pressure yourself into thinking about whether or not he's The One; if he is, then it will become apparent and you'll know it for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 12:47pm

Welcome to the board aimz_870,


In addition to what eggbertshootsfire said, consider reading these:


Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis


and


Is The One You're Dating "The One?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 2:48pm

I've often asked myself the same question with respect to men who, in retrospect, were NOT the ones. Now that I'm in a committed relationship, I KNOW. I have no doubts, no questions and I don't have to ask myself if he is 'the one.' He is. Period.

I would be wary of guys who talk about marriage so early in the relationship. A lot of them say it just to keep you hooked, by giving you false hope. It's controlling. Others say it and mean it at the time, but when it comes down to it, they won't follow through. Take what he says with a grain of salt. If you're having fun, then by all means continue the relationship. But if you have doubts now, do you really think they will go away after you're married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 4:04pm
Obviously it is different for everyone. Before I met my DH I had had a few guys say " I love you" right away, talk about marriage etc but those relationships didn't last very long. We said " I love you " after almost 3 months. We quickly began discussing marriage. I was engaged at 6 months, married at 10 and I was 23 years old. We have a very happy marriage and I don't have a single complaint about the relationship. So while I agree that getting married young can be a mistake for some, it isn't for everyone. I also believe when you know you know. How do you know? For me it was the first time that a bf was more important to me than my family. Be sure to discuss EVERYTHING before you get engaged. Talk to each other about your boundaries, having children, religion, friends and friends of the opposite sex, family blah blah...if you don't you will be sorry. Many people don't talk about it all and then after they are married...surprise! DH worships his mother and spends $300/week at strip clubs. When that all comes together + the all consuming passion and feeling of not being able to live with out this person, then it is right.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 6:01pm

You are very young and haven't had much experience with relationships, so don't let him push or pressure you into anything. It takes time to know not only if he is the right one, but if you are ready to committ to a marriage. Some people feel they are at a young age, others need time to be free, single, to date and explore the world. This is a tricky situation, because if you take that path, then it is most likely this relationship will not persist.


Let him know that you are tyring to find your way in the relationship and are not really sure where you are with it. If you are honest with him and yourself, this is the best way to proceede. Stay with this and be truthful and time will let you know if you are wanting to date others, or if you feel more and more fulfilled and sure of this situation. If you cannot really get clear on your own, it is a good idea to speak to a counsellor for a few sessions as well.


All good wishes,