Just My Imagination?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Just My Imagination?
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 10:07pm

My DH and I have been married for 11 years and have a 3 year old son.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 11:53pm

He is finding interesting and exciting activities away from home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 12:15am

I rarely say this, and I hope I'm wrong......but it sounds to me like he & the girl from Vegas have something going on.

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 7:26am

He is having an affair. He had the day off but went out from 7 until midnight? It is up to you whether you want to find proof, but I would start deciding what I want to do next. Take care of your son and yourself. Go to the betrayed spouses board and read about the 180 -- it is not for him, it is to make you feel stronger and more confident. Get all the support you need for whatever you decide to do.

I am so sorry you are in this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 8:56am

I can't say definitively if they are having an affair. What I will say is probable is that he's been living the life of a husband and father and recently got a taste of some new fun and exciting stuff, a new group of friends who make him feel like his own person again, and is sort of grudgingly going along with his husband/father role at the same time.

When you confronted him about the tattoo and his trip, what he heard was: "I don't want you having fun"

I admit I would feel slighted too if my husband decided that "fun" was with other people and not me.

I wonder if you can approach this situation differently. Could you tell him that you miss being his friend and having a good time with him? Could you find ideas for fun things to do together (get a babysitter for the night or let the grandparents take your son for a weekend)? Many women find themselves in a position like yours where they are no longer the partner whose company and friendship a man enjoys. Usually it's because most time and energy is spent on the young kids. I just wonder if expressing a sincere interest in having FUN with him again would change his attitude toward you. You don't want to be the person he feels he needs to escape from. You want him to enjoy the time he spends with you.

If he really is having an affair, then I don't know what to say. I am hoping things haven't gone that far. I just don't think you'll get anywhere with confrontation, he will push back HARD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 11:00am

I don't know the nature of his work. So, it's hard to ignore my impression of what you've said. It doesn't sound realistic that he would have last-minute spontaneous information about a

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 11:11am

I think the beginning of the problem is just what you said. When our son was an infant, we moved 4 hours away from our friends and family so that DH could take a new job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 11:22am

When I checked our bank account this morning, there was a charge to a grocery store next door to where he works (he usually goes there to get a drink and snacks if he's going to be working late), so it's plausible that he did go to work, but how long he was there, I don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 12:23pm

I really hope he's not having an affair although things look kind of suspicious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 10:47pm
Has he been withdrawing more money than usual from your bank account? A lot of his behavior, the suddenly having to run off to work when he usually gets more notice, being distant from you, leaving his ring at home, all does point to him possibly having an affair. Or he could be doing something else he doesn't want you to find out about. Many years ago my H started going out with his buddies from work (maybe once a month) so it wasn't a lot, but he started to come home later and later (when he never used to go out at all) so I started to wonder if maybe he was cheating or something. Turns out they were going to strip clubs and staying till closing. Could that be a possibility? That's why I asked if you've noticed more money being withdrawn lately.