Just Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Just Need Advice
1
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:21pm
I will try to make this as short as possible without leaving out details. I have TWO seperate issues going on with my current relationship.

I have been dating my boyfriend for going on 4 years. We have lived together for the past year. Everything is pretty good aside from two things. One, his family and I dont talk. They have never been welcoming too me and have gone as far as to talk to other members of his extended family about me and how they dont want him and I together. This has hurt our relationship. This has been going on for 7 months (the not talking) but the family has never accepted me. I have asked my boyfriend to stick up for me to his family and ask them to be respectful and accept me. He has yet to do this. Its a constant struggle.

Next, our communication is lacking. He has never once in the past four years told me how he feels about me and our relationship and where he sees this going. While we live together and he tells me he loves me, it isnt the same as having a heart to heart. In turn, this makes me afraid of loosing him and it makes me think that he isnt in this for the long run. This then causes me to be always jealous and nervous about loosing him. Obviously, this causes arugments over silly petty things on my part bc I get so jealous. Communication is a big problem area for us and he just doesnt see it.

I dont know what to do about his family, about getting him to talk to me about committing and about just communicating in general. Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:15pm
My ex-husband didn't stand up to his family for me either. We had mil/fil issues and them wanting to come in and control our household and our children and us. I ended up telling my ex I could no longer be in relationship with his family as long as this continued. He continued to protect his family rather than me and let them do whatever they wanted. I was nervous around his family. I became more nervous around him because I never knew what was going to come next. He became upset when I tried to defend myself against his family. Time to leave. I never turned back - I don't need any man who treats me like this. You said you were afraid of losing him - perhaps you are afraid of being alone? You feel like it's all of them against you? You don't stand a chance? In reality it's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on them. Others around you must see what is happening - like your friends, family? Let your bf and his family know you won't tolerate it anymore. They aren't worth it.