Just need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Just need some advice
4
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:21pm
I have a male friend in which we consider each other to be best friends. At one time I felt more for him than just a friend. We talked about it and he didn't return those feelings. Afterwards I think I was just having those feelings because our relationship was never defined. Things have been odd at times, but we still are as affectionate and fliratious as we used to be. Lately, he has been going through a hard time and I am not sure how to help him. He has been divorced for a long time and he can not fall out of love w/ his ex wife. He can't move on. We happen to be going through some difficult times at the same time. But I always seem to be the one to offer support. He shuts me out and lies. When I phone him to offer support he lies to me and tells me that no one is there when I know a women is. This women he has not so good things to say about. Why would he want her around and not me. He is pushing me away and I don't want to lose our friendship, but I am tired of being hurt. I feel like a "fill in" most of the time.I just left it as he can call me when he needs me and I will not call him. I hate to be lied to. He only hurts me even more when he shuts me out. Should I give up on him? He always says how much he loves me and how he enjoys being with me. Throughout our friendship he has "traded" me for other women and we have gotten in some heated arguments. I always say I am over it, but he always knows I will forgive him. Is he taking advantage of me too? Any words of advice are appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:18am

Unfortunatley, It sounds like the value of the freindship id differnet for him than it is for you. You would do anything to support him, love him and be a freind. However, He only takes advantage of this.


My question is this: Are you upset because the freindship is fading and growing apart, or that he has sought comfort an another woman, other than yourself? Be honest with yourself...and him.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:04am
Marsexpert,

Yes, I am upset that we are growing apart and that he seeked comfort from someone else. He has "dogged" this woman and I am his best friend. Who would you want to confide in? Maybe she offers other types of comfort I can't or won't. Did I do the right thing by leaving the ball in his court? I told him that it bothered me he lied about having company over and that I feel as I am a convenient friend, so when he needs me he can call me. That way I don't intefere with what he is dealing with. (I didn't get to tell him this in person). I am just afraid he won't call. Do I "write" him off?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 4:41pm
Time for some relationship weeding, he wants you as a fair-weather friend only.

:Why would he want her around and not me.

Because he can get sex from her.

::I feel like a "fill in" most of the time.

You are.

:Throughout our friendship he has "traded" me for other women and we have gotten in some heated arguments.

Why are you surprised that it's happening again?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:32am
I agree, why should I be suprised? Am I over reacting by confronting him about it? A person can only take so much. I know the best thing to do is to "cut ties", it's just I couldn't imagine him not being a part of my life. I know deep down he truly cares for me. I always see the good in everyone. He is my best friend, but I think he just has issues that he will not let go. That could be holding him back from being his true self and expressing how he really feels. He could care for me and treat me better if he would allow himself to. Heres a question for the guys out there.... Why would you treat a complete stranger better than you would your best female friend? It kills me to hear his fake little game with others when I know the true him. It's almost like you don't value the good gals as much. By the way I haven't heard from him in a couple of days. Think he is pondering what I said or could he care less?