Just want to cry. PLEASE HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Just want to cry. PLEASE HELP
3
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:56am
Where do I start. I am so sad with myself, my life and my boyfriend.

Since this is a relationship forum, Ill start with my boyfriend. I love him dearly, he is extremely busy with his studies and is in the midst of taking finals.

We have been together close to a year. this week we are going away together for the first time.

I know he has been extremely busy in the last couple of months, but our relationship has still been good. The thing is, I am so upset. We have talked about marriage, about living together, He wants to live together.BUT doesnt plan on getting engaged till next year. I said well.. I would like to be engaged before we move in. We left it at that. It was never brought up again. I thought he may have been mulling things over. My birthday came last week. I know he was busy with exams and such, but he made no effort for my day. He took me out to dinner on the weekend, and gave me a picture of the two of us in a frame that he already had. He claimed that this was a teaser gift. But, in actual fact it was my gift and was given last minute. We spoke on the phone last night, and he tells me that he is going to give pictures that he took of his friends as gifts to them in a frame. Well.. that just made my gift a whole lot special!

I hated the picture, and I told him i didnt like the way I looked.. he never once said honey you look pretty.. it was all about well.. this is the first decent pic of myself and i like it.

I know im rambling.. but there is more. We are leaving on this trip. for awhile i thought he was going to plan something special. But after my birthday fiasco, I realized I shouldnt get my hopes up. so, I asked him if he was. His answer made it clear he had nothing planned. It hurting so much inside. From the looks of it, I am not that important, and there is no plan to propose.

He doesnt see me different from his friends, heck it seems he does more for them

I 'm so hurt right now. I dont even want to go away now, because I know that deep inside I will be in pain.. wishing he could just do something nice for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 11:10am
bleu555...

Pianoguy thinks you're trying to get too many answers too soon! Many of the ivillagers I've spoken with WANT ANSWERS before the questions are even submitted. Do me a favor, please??? S-L-O-W-D-O-W-N!

Here's are a few thoughts:

Your b/f has been preoccupied with his studies and is finishing up his finals---so there has been "no time left for you" (quoting the GUESS WHO song here)! There WILL be time for the 2 of you this weekend. So assuming you want to share his company, enjoy yourselves! As long as you aren't "cross-examining him about the future" every minute, you'll also get a better idea about your b/f's priorities! Let him share his thoughts with you freely...and you do the same.

Skip the "living together" bit...at least for now. You aren't 100% comfortable with the idea...so what's the point of relinquishing your space if you don't want to?

Pianoguy (who wishes you a happy belated birthday)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 12:14pm
Thank you for your reply.

Yes, you are right.. too many questions... I should have labelled this as a rant.

I guess there hasnt been me time, but we do see eachother weekly. There hasn't been special me time.

I would have thought at least for my birthday it would have been so.

I hope you are right that this weekend will bring time for us this weekend, he will be more relaxed since all of his studies will be behind him. I wont nag, I wont bring up my hurt feelings, and my sadness to him.

I should add though, I have been holding off on talking for awhile. I have brought up us a few times. But, would never follow up on it.

To be honest, I dont know how our trip will be different. I asked if he was going to plan something special, and his answer was quite clear... nothing is planned. So, sure I can forward to a fun time together.. but I know deep down inside I will be sad. Sad at the fact that i was not given that extra thought.

So, I guess Im not saying anything to him this week or on our trip. I'm going into this now with no expectations.

I'm just sad thats all... I thought I found someone who truly loves me... I guess not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 1:25pm
I understand how you feel. You want him to make you feel more secure in your relationship and about your future. I don't think he is there yet. If you can't communicate together then by all means DON'T MOVE IN TOGETHER. Have fun with him and don't even look at a future with this man. It may happen and it may not, but don't count on it. Enjoy today with him and keep yourself open for a relationship that is more to your liking. If he sees you aren't waiting for him you may or may not become a priority. Anyway, put the ball into his court and see if he wants to volly it back or just doesn't have any real interest in the game.