Keep it light or go deep?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Keep it light or go deep?
32
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 11:41am
tomorrow i am meeting my ex? GF for lunch. she broke up with me a few days before thanksgiving -- very suddenly, without warning, after an intense year together when we slept together virtually every night and shared dinner, breakfast, drives to work, vacations -- EVERYTHING. Then, suddenly, she announced she was breaking up saying she needed time and space. we last saw each other about two weeks ago -- she said she loved me and hugged me. she had tears in her eyes as she left. i have honored her request for time and space, as tough as it is. My question is, regarding tomorrow, should i just keep it all light and happy, as if i've sort of moved on? Talk about our holiday plans, work, etc. and nothing deep about us? i really want to find out more, what she's thinking, where she's at, etc. but i also don't want to sound desperate or pushy. i love her so much. a couple of close friends have told me to not bring up anything about us -- just kep it light and on the surface. First of all, i'm not sure I can do that. I want to tell her that I love her and think about her all the time. i want to share where i'm at -- and hear where she's at. it seems wierd to not have that sort of discussion considering the depth of what we shared - that she should understand and expect, and maybe even want a conversation about us and where we're at. any suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:17am
'do you think she/I are making too big of a deal out of the age issue (I'm 20+ years older). '

The age difference is obviously a big issue for her and one of the main reasons for breaking up with you, right? It is so big of a deal for her that she even calls it 'living a lie' What does it matter how we feel about your age difference or whether or not we think she should even make an issue out of it?

You need to focus on your recovery from the breakup and what you can control.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:31am
thank you all. i was just curious about the age thing -- and have already accepted her decision -- as you say -- there's nothing i can do about it anyway. i am doing my best to move on as i've relayed through this series of posts. i plan to move slowly and carefully, taking it a day at a time and see what happens. while i understand that i need time to heal -- i also value companionship and the sharing of life. while i may be injured, i am also resilient and try to put things in perspective. i got a lot out of the past situation, a deeper love than i've ever had. but it was also one that unfortunately had some limits based on circumstances, and that always lurked in the back of my mind and was stressful in and of itself. i used to wonder about when she would wake up one day and look at me and say, "he is looking older," etc. the stress in that was more than i cared to admit b/c i didn't want to rock the boat. anyway -- life goes on. i loved, learned, and will love again. life isn't perfect -- but it is good and the sooner we can move into a new positive phase, and lift ourselves beyond the negative emotions, the better.

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