Kids!??!! Same page to get married?!?!
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Kids!??!! Same page to get married?!?!
| Sat, 07-14-2007 - 5:40pm |
So here is my dilema...I have been dating this guy for just about a year now...he has is divorced and has two kids, and also has a vasectomy. FYI...I have not had kids and have not been married. Early on in our relationship the fact he had a vasectomy worried me because even though I do not want kids now, I wanted to know that in the future the option would be there. So he went to the doctor and discussed it with him, and the doctor proceeded to tell him it would be no problem reversing it seeing as he is young and fit. So we continued on, with no problems...although it came up again because he was worried it might not work, so I told him as long as he wanted to want to have kids, even if it didn't work I would be fine with that as long as we tried...got over that hump, now recently he did Ironman and during the race he was thinking about actually buying me a ring, and when to propose, and then the reality of having more kids appeared a lot more real to him...and therefore now he is unsure of whether or not he wants to have kids. He wants to want to...not just because of me, but becasue he wants to...and he has been thinking about it for about two weeks now, and I feel pretty torn up about it, because I love him with all my heart but now what I just have to wait on pins and needles, I don't how to handle this well, or help him reach a conclusion...which he needs to do...any feedback :(

You should not marry this man until you have reached a decision on whether or not to have kids together.
Your desire to have your own children is not going to go away, it will only get stronger. You have the right to have kids, and the right to find someone who will fulfill that goal with you. If he's not going to then I'm afraid marrying him is not the answer.
The good thing is that he is open to the idea of it, really wants to try, and MANY men in his situation have changed their minds.
Keep talking to him, and if possible, enlist the help of a counselor if you are very serious about marriage. Some people put a clause about having children in a prenuptial agreement, and while I'm not sure I'd go that far, you definitely want to know that he will want to be a father again before marrying him.
Good luck, he looks like he's on the path to being the right guy for you after all. :)