Ladies - what do you look for in a "man"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Ladies - what do you look for in a "man"
10
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 12:59am
Do women actually look at a man as "how would are kids look"?????

Does it matter if he has his own place, a job, his own car?

His character, looks etc....

discuss

Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 11:33am
When it comes to men , I feel that honesty is the most important. Even when a

person is dishonest about seemingly stupid stuff , it will make me wonder what

other things I've been lied to about . So , if you want a woman to trust you and

see you as "boyfriend" potential , be honest. I understand there are times when

"no honey , I swear , your butt looks great in that dress !" will pop out of

your mouth to protect her feelings . So , the dishonesty I'm talking about , is

when one might "add" more interesting details to their life , lie to cover your

"arse" , or lying by omission.

Past that , I find clean shoes to be important. I , know , it makes me sound like a

freak. Haha! For some reason , I ALWAYS notice peoples shoes. It's like some

strange compulsion. Plus , if by some strange chance , your eyebrows are bushy

and/or meet in the middle , buy tweezers , please ! Most men are sooooooo

oblivious to this problem.

Other than that , I don't feel I've ever had a "type". Every woman is different ,

and you'll find that what we find important will vary widely from woman to

woman. So , I say , relax and be yourself.

Heather

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:19pm
Honesty, integrity, values that are compatible with mine, responsible, good sense of humor, attractive, a good job, no baggage.

I don't want kids, so that's not an issue. I think it's important that men have jobs and their own cars (unless they live in NYC or someplace where it's not necesary). It wouldn't matter to me if the man lived with roommates or family as long as he was financially stable and making his own way in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 6:15pm
????????????It wouldn't matter to me if the man lived with roommates or family as long as he was financially stable and making his own way in the world.?????????????


How could a man who lives with a roommate or family make his own way in the world? For a man to make his own way in the world and learn responsibility is living on his own being proud of his independence. Dont women like an independent man? It shows he can make it on his own and that should be an attractive trait towards women

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 6:46pm
A person doesn't have to live alone to become a responsible adult, and living with other people does not necesarily mean a person is dependent upon those people.

Many responsible adults choose to live with roommates or with family. Sometimes it makes financial sense to do this - share living expenses so that people can put money away for savings, investments, downpayment on a home, to have more discresionary money, and so on. In other situations, a person may have family obligations such as an elderly parent or grandparent to care for, which makes sharing a household important. Some people just like living with other people - having people to come home to rather than an empty appartment.

Independence and responsibility are about taking care of your business - being smart with your money, living in a responsible and meaningful way, taking care of your obligations, and so on.

If I were looking for a long term partner, and I had a choice between a man who had his own apartment, but was living paycheck to paycheck and a man who lived with roommates, but had money in the bank - all other things being equal, I would probably choose the man who lived with roommates and had money in the bank because this shows that he is planning for his future, has resources to weather financial storms, and will more than likely be the more stable one over the long haul.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 6:48pm
I think that depends on his age. If we're talking about a guy in his twenties, who has a roommate so that he can put X amount of dollars away a week in order to save for a house, then yes, that's responsible and independent (and smart!). He's planning for his future and working towards a goal.

If we're talking about a 40 year old who lives with his mom or a roommate because he can't figure out how to live on his own, then that's different. I don't think I'd be quite so interested in that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 10:05pm
Huh?

You dont learn responsibility living with other people. What's gonna happen since a guy in his 20's who lives with parents etc.. saving money, when he decides to live on his own? Then what? What if he cant make the mortgage payment? He then moves back to parents or roomies declaring himself a loser? When he's on his own, He will then learn responsibilities like paying bills, and learning to actually become an adult! When your living with mom and dad or roomies its different

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 6:41pm
Some people crash and burn and other's don't. It's pretty easy to spot someone who is never going to grow up by the way the person acts, not by who they live with.

I am a pretty responsible and independent person and so is my husband. Neither of has has ever lived alone, yet we both managed to learn to be responsible and take care of ourselves somewhere along the way - LOL.

We both are college graduates, hold professional jobs, and are financially stable. We have always paid our bills on time, we don't have any debt beyond a couple student loans and a car payment. We have money in savings, are contributing to our retirement, funding investments, and are in the process of buying a home.

Somewhere along the line, you seem to have picked up the idea that the only way for a person to learn responsibility is to live alone. I'm sure for some people, that is true - those whose parents never taught them to be responsible for themselves, the perpetual adolesents, and so on. Like I said before, these type of people are pretty easy to spot so they can be easily avoided.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 8:41pm
DJ - I agree with Lucy. Not everyone can go out at 22, the day he graduates college and buy a house. Sometimes it's SMART and RESPONSIBLE to have a plan, such as having a roommate so that you can save up for a down payment, etc..

My bf lived with his parents while going to college. Did that make him irresponsible and undate-able to girls his own age at the time? No. He was a responsible student, who went on to move out, get a job, get a roommate, save up and buy a house. He is the ONLY person I have ever met who has never had even one late payment on anything in his life. He has absolutely, crystal clear, spotless credit. Not many people can say that. He is hardworking, responsible, has always had his own car, his own space (he and the roommate even had separate bathrooms), always paid every bill on time, has a college education, a military background, never been unemployed, and now makes close to 6 figures a year. Has owns his own home, a boat, a car, 2 dogs, and does not rely on me, or mom & dad for anything. He is independent as can be. But he wasn't making the money then that he's making now. Not everyone can get out of college and make 6 figures.

If someone is hardworking and working towards realizing their potential, then that can be very attractive to women. If he has goals that he's working towards attaining, and a plan to reach that goal, it's very attractive (to me anyway). It's men who have potential and aren't doing anything to realize it, that I DON'T want.

Think women shouldn't date my bf or wouldn't want to if he were single, just because he had a roommate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 8:55pm
That is a matter of personal taste I would think. Perhaps the physical attributes are much more important to some women than others. Then again, some women become more conscious of appearance as they've been in the reltioinship a while and there are major changes(weight gain/loss, etc.). The safest way to find out is to ask.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 5:05pm
The first thing I would look for is stability - mental and financial. I don't care if he is rich or poor - but I would want someone who is responsible with money - can he live within his means? He also has to be able to control his temper and actions. I don't want someone who cannot control his temper and is rude to others or who has an addiction.

After that he should be kind and affectionate and fun. And he should want a relationship, not just be sowing his oats.

I think it helps a lot if you have things in common and can talk to each other easily.

Pretty simple, yet hard to find it seems.