Is this the last straw???
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Is this the last straw???
| Mon, 04-19-2004 - 8:46pm |
December, right after xmas, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me while I was away for the holidays with family. His cell phone bill got sent to my email online so he could pay it online and I just skimmed over his minutes when I noticed a suspicious number appearing all the time, all hours, even into the 2-4 a.m. mark! I called it, got a woman's voicemail. I was a complete emotional trainwreck for the next 24 hours until I got home to our apartment. I confronted him, he denied it at first but eventually confessed. I didn't ask what happened physically - I was so disgusted, betrayed, felt so worthless. I kicked him out, he moved to his mother's place. We did not speak for a month. He started calling and since I am a big believer in second chances and forgiveness, I forgave him and we started to slowly get our relationship back on track.
Since then he has moved closer to work - about an hour from me - and things have been going well but within the last month I have become increasingly paranoid. I know it is because my trust has been betrayed and of course I have suspicions but it is really eating me up inside. I'm going for my Master's degree right now - I do not need this stress distracting me from my studies!!! I'd check his phone records for awhile, but I stopped two weeks ago because I wanted to trust him again and checking his phone records makes me so ashamed!!! But I got a nagging suspicion over the last few days and when I logged on, and sure enough there was another suspicious phone number. I called it, got a girl's voicemail. When I confronted my boyfriend he denied it of course, saying she was "just a friend", but I do not know of any males who talk to their female friends 14 times a day!!! That is no exaggeration - they called each other 14 times within the last 24 hours. What made me sick is that yeah, he has another girl in his life, but he would make up excuses not to talk to me at night but he would talk to her for two hours. Phone records confirm this! they have been talking over 10 times a day for the last three days!!! Right when my hunch started!!!
I really don't want you guys to think I'm psycho. I'm hating myself for being driven to check up on him this way, but it's only confirming my suspicions. I think he is being selfish - young good looking guy with a cushy job, he wants it all and wants it now. He has me on the weekends and this girl during the week - yeah, I think he is being selfish. Deep down I know he cares about me, he does not want to hurt me, but it is killing me inside. It sounds cliched but I could feel my heart break all over again today. We are coming up on our 2 year mark...I've never loved anybody so deeply, but how can I love someone who obviously doens't respect me as their partner?
Someone please just give me some advice!!! Deep down I know that I should end things, but why do men do this? Why do they want more when they tell us they have everything they want???
Since then he has moved closer to work - about an hour from me - and things have been going well but within the last month I have become increasingly paranoid. I know it is because my trust has been betrayed and of course I have suspicions but it is really eating me up inside. I'm going for my Master's degree right now - I do not need this stress distracting me from my studies!!! I'd check his phone records for awhile, but I stopped two weeks ago because I wanted to trust him again and checking his phone records makes me so ashamed!!! But I got a nagging suspicion over the last few days and when I logged on, and sure enough there was another suspicious phone number. I called it, got a girl's voicemail. When I confronted my boyfriend he denied it of course, saying she was "just a friend", but I do not know of any males who talk to their female friends 14 times a day!!! That is no exaggeration - they called each other 14 times within the last 24 hours. What made me sick is that yeah, he has another girl in his life, but he would make up excuses not to talk to me at night but he would talk to her for two hours. Phone records confirm this! they have been talking over 10 times a day for the last three days!!! Right when my hunch started!!!
I really don't want you guys to think I'm psycho. I'm hating myself for being driven to check up on him this way, but it's only confirming my suspicions. I think he is being selfish - young good looking guy with a cushy job, he wants it all and wants it now. He has me on the weekends and this girl during the week - yeah, I think he is being selfish. Deep down I know he cares about me, he does not want to hurt me, but it is killing me inside. It sounds cliched but I could feel my heart break all over again today. We are coming up on our 2 year mark...I've never loved anybody so deeply, but how can I love someone who obviously doens't respect me as their partner?
Someone please just give me some advice!!! Deep down I know that I should end things, but why do men do this? Why do they want more when they tell us they have everything they want???

Betrayal and trust issues don't just go away, after the first time you should have insisted on couple's counseling, you can try it now, but my personal opinion is why bother? He's proved that (you have the proof - 14 calls in 24 hrs, talked to her, but not you) he's building a relationship (emotionally, if not physically yet) AND he's betraying his relationship with you.
Hopefully, you are strong enough to walk away, know you are worth more and don't believe all his lies.
Carrie