In Law Problems
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|Tue, 02-11-2014 - 8:42pm|
DH & I have been together 7.5 years, married for 3.5. Our first baby is on the way and due this April! His parents are divorced and he has only had a realtionship with his dad, which is very strained at this point but I won't get into that now. His mom left his dad, him & his sister when my DH was about 14. She hasn't really been around since. We got married in 2010 and he debated inviting her to the wedding, I left this decision up to him & he decided to invite her- and she came. When he saw her there, it had been years since they saw each other. He was hoping it would possibily build a bridge into some sort of relationship...It never really has since. And his sister is also another story which he does not have a realtionship with either. His mom, dad and sister all live in TX & we live in NC. Despite the failures his parents have proved to him, I feel there is this little voice inside him that desperatly wants his family to be normal & he will cling on to any false hope from them.
He mom was (is?) an alcoholic, was diagnosed as bipolar, spent time in a mental institution, failed him as a mother, etc. She has been in & out of the hospital in the past 2 yrs with back surgeries & infections. Recently had a surgery for a staff infection. DH has said he would never trust her alone with our baby. She called DH yesterday & said she would like to spend a week with us after the baby is born to help out. I told DH this will make me uncomfortable, from all the things he has told me about her I am very uneasy with her around the baby (I met her once at our wedding for about 10min). He said he wouldn't leave her alone with the baby, but "let her help you with other things". He said she is excited about being a grandma. I said I despite her being his blood mother, to look at the picture he has painted of her to me. She can't help herself & I don't see her coming to do laundry, help cook or clean. Instead I know its going to be me watching her & stressing out. I said a week is too long, she can come for a few days & dh has to be home too. DH got upset about my reaction. He said I don't let his family be a part of us & I can't keep them from being grandparents.
I have just been do upset...how can he call his family "the jerry springer family,"share with me horrible stories about his upbrinibg & basically how crazy his parents are & then when they reach out a tiny bit expect me to be daughter in law of the year?? We agrued about this first...then the next day had a more calm conversation. He said I am right, but they are still his blood and I don't understand and he will always give them second (or millionith!) chances. He finally agreed to my terms of 2-3 nights, but said "What do I tell my mom? I don't want to hurt her feelings?". This upsets me because I feel like "what about MY feelings?". He said I am the stronger and normal one...but I don't think I should have to take a backseat because I am normal. This isn't about me anymore either, my baby will be my (our) number 1 priority and frankly I don't care if I hurt her feelings. She has been hurting DH's feelings for over 15 years!!