LEARN THE HARD WAY!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
LEARN THE HARD WAY!
4
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 2:26pm
Hey ladies and fellas too, do you think men learn better the hard way?

for example: if he cheated on you or etc., and you decide i'm not going to deal with it anymore. basically put your foot down, and stat ignoring them and giving them a hard time

while they are begging to come back? how will you know if they are for real about them wanting to come back?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 2:40pm
Do you really want him to come back if he cheated on you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 3:01pm
I was using that as an example,but no i wouldn't.

The real problem is my ex-boyfriend has a problem finding a job (so he say),and have a drug problem and I'm sick of it, so i ignore his calls. if he does catch me on the phone i keep it very short and hangs up on him. i feel sorry for him but i don't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 3:09pm
No I don't think so. Every person (male and female) learns the lessons of life at their own pace, and every person's behavior is dependent upon their own beliefs, values and experiences. "Putting your foot down" and "giving someone a hard time" so they "beg" to come back is not going to force someone to fundamentally change in any way. Significant change (the type that is necessary for a person to stop a certain behavior) only comes about when that person sees a need to change. Not due to someone else forcing it upon them. Ultimatums are a waste of time. They may work for a short period of time, but in the long run you will still not end up with the type of partner you want, if they are not that type of person to begin with. In fact, a person who uses ultimatums and tries to force another person to change and be what they want him or her to be -- THAT is the person who really needs to experience some *learning.*
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 3:33pm
Most of the time, if you take back someone just because they promise they will change, they will get the message that you will always take them back with some begging. There is no need to feel sorry for someone who screwed up his life by himself. You have no responsibility. Begging and promising is not enough. words are so cheap. Plus, your BF should change for his own sake, not for you. You do the right thing, as i did myself a long time ago. My then BF keps promising and I kept taking him back. eventually it was over. He would not get it, he keps stalking me, calling me, and harassing my friends. I would just hang up on him, and pretend he did not exist when he harassed me in the library. My friends refused to talk to him. It was the only way. Now his screwed up lifestyle is his problem.