leave or stay

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
leave or stay
4
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:32pm
My boyfriend and I met two months ago and at the beginning we liked each other a lot. After two weeks' dating, his ex-girlfriend started calling him constantly and buging him. She is mentally unstable and threatening to harm herself if my bf stops contacting her. So my bf started talking to her in front of me and I felt real sad. I told him to cut off connection with her completely if he wants to continue to date me (stop talking and emailing). He told me he did. After that incidence, the relationship starts going downhill. My mom does not like him and wants me to leave him. I was under work stress too and always in bad moods. I felt neglected sometimes because my bf plays videogames in his spare time a lot and I don't like videogames. All we do together is to go out and dine or watch a movie, then spend the night together (no sex). I felt real bored. We have diverging interest and taste, not a lot in common. But he is honest and caring most of the time. I really like him for this reason. Then I went back to stay at my parents' house due to the teeth surgery I had for two weeks and he grew upset. He kept telling me to go back to stay with him but my mom said my teeth are not in good condition and does not allow me to go back. We went out a few times during these two weeks. But one day he email me and said we are too different and he wanted to talk about the potential of a long-term relationship. Two days ago we talked about it and agreed to pick up each other's hobbies and try our best. I discovered that he still email his crazy ex and he said he decided not to lose contact with her because he feels it is the right thing to do. Can it work? He is not as warm to me as before. Should I leave? I'm really confused. I know he is not in love with me. I'm really confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ivysnow
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:37pm
ivysnow...

Sounds like the man is "torn between two lovers"---and doesn't want to relinquish either one?

In lieu of the fact that he "isn't as warm to you as before"---do you wish to continue sharing him?

How about giving him some space (30 days or more) so he can make up his mind between the 2 of you?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
In reply to: ivysnow
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:43pm
But he says that he is not in love with her anymore but wants to help her to get over her traumatized past and get healed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ivysnow
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:55pm
ivysnow...

Pianoguy doesn't buy into his xxxcuse.....(notice the triple xxx). There are professional people out there who are specialists in dealing with "trauma" and he should reference one of them.

I honestly think he enjoys having 2 different women depending upon him....but that's just one man's opinion!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: ivysnow
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:25pm
As long as he is in her life 'helping' her, guess what? she won't heal, because him giving in to her manipulation (threats to harm herself) feeds her need for attention, and feeds her FALSE HOPE that he really cares and may want her back. Also, I think he likes her attention.


Carrie