Leaving old baggage behind

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2005
Leaving old baggage behind
7
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 9:49am

My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage and really happy in the place we are right now.


The problem is that about a year ago I found out he had cheated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 12:34pm

Couples counseling.


Did he stop only because you found out? You need to really move on, not just think that you have moved on because this still bothers you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2005
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 1:04pm
he stopped because I found out and he said he didn't want to be without me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 1:18pm

Welcome to the board emmylp2005,


Most couples cannot overcome betrayal and rebuild trust without going to counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 2:49pm

Welcome to the board emmylp2005,


I find it interesting that you say you are happy in the relationship and then you say that you haven't gotten past his cheating. I would hold off on the marriage talk until you have put all of this behind you.


Does he give you any reason to worry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 4:22pm

Have you been to couples counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2008
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 4:24pm

Hi,


I has the same exact thing happen to me but

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 8:30pm

"Many people on these boards will tell you that you will never forget it and it will always be with you but that is BS"

None of the responses so far have come even close to saying that. So much for a preemptive strike, eh?

OP, I have to join the fray that says go to counseling together before getting married. For most people, trust is both gained and lost for real, legitimate reasons. It's ok to acknowledge that he hurt you and you lost your trust in him temporarily. Don't beat yourself up for not having completely gotten over it. I think it's very important for you to have a counselor or therapist with whom to share ideas so that you're not bottling them up or punishing your boyfriend with negative feelings. It will take a little more time to heal from this but stick with it.