Left me , but says he still loves me, wh

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Left me , but says he still loves me, wh
3
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 5:51pm
I'm a 26 yearl old female. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years and lived together 3 years. he has two kids from two different women, and i have one child from another man. Its been hard, but we've gotten through it. his kids live with their moms and we get them every other weekend. My daughter lives with us. He left me to move with his friend, basiclly the house is all guys. He says he still loves me, and he's willing to help me get my things moved into a one bedroom apt i am getting where we currently lived in a two bedroom. and he'll help me set everything up and get settled. he says he'll come by and see me, and there will be weekends where he wont want to be where he's living at now because they have little parties on the weekends and he may be tired or whatever, so he can come stay with me. he says he loves me and cares for me, but he just needs his space, and his freedom. he's not all that good looking, but i love him for whats on the inside and to me of course i am attractive to him. I wnat him back, and i love him. its been a rough week since he left, i haven't eaten, i try and i just thrrow it up, i cant sleep. he tells me he hates seeing me like this, he cares for me and loves me. do you think he'll come back? did he just need to test out what freedom used to be to him? is he going through a midlife crisis?- he's turning 30 in oct. please give me advice.

he says he doesnt want any strings, or any girlfriend right now. i am trying to give him space but its hard. what should i do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 6:38pm
missnghim...

You can THROW UP all you want...but all the puke in the world won't change things! YOU have a b/f who expects a relationship when he's in the mood! He gets to call the shots and make the rules 100% of the time! Pianoguy is amazed it has taken you 3 years of your life to "catch on" to his game!

Who cares if he's ugly on the outside...his motives on the inside are even uglier! Do yourself a favor---DUMP HIM---and move on with your life!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 7:40pm
I have to say that I totally agree with pianoguy. I would add - he's being nice so you won't hate him, so if he decides to step back into your life, read that play havoc in your life again, you will let him because geez he was so nice when he needed space. He's tired of being in a full-time relationship with full-time responsibilities. He's got two kids, two ex's and now he wants to let his hair down and party all weekend long (when he doesn't have the kids), which means he's a free agent and who he meets and parties with is none of your concern from here on out, but BEWARE if he came back he could bring you STDs. He just wants to try it out. So that means he's not opposed to sleeping with someone else.

Take care of you. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. That means, draw a line, set a boundary with him. Don't hang on every word, fall for every line.

You have to be strong and well (healthy) for your child. That should be your number one concern. Of course you are hurt, disappointed, want more and you will have to grieve for the end of the relationship, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been, for what might have been. Journal writing, exercise, eating right, etc. Please take care of you.

Reading material to consider:

Don’t Call that Man – The Survival Guide to Letting Go – Rhonda Finding

Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends, Bruce Fisher

Olive Juice...and Other Thoughts on Love, Heartbreak and Moving Forward by Eric Champnella

I Used to Miss Him...But My Aim is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide by Alison James

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon

Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse

Self Matters, Phil McGraw

The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen

The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz

Men Are Like Waffles - Women Are Like Spaghetti, Bill & Pam Farrel

What Smart Women Know, Steven Carter & Julia Sokol

My best to you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:22pm
I feel very sorry for your little girl. She probably bonded with this guy and possibly his two other children, and now he has moved on. Please don't let him become one in a succession of men in her life. Please put your love life on hold for a few years and concentrate on rearing your child. She doesn't need her mom's serial lovers floating in and out of her home.

I have another book for you to read. Its "Shacking Up: 40 Reasons Why Not to (Wise Advice from Someone Who Has)" by Anne James-Sieff.