letting go

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
letting go
2
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:43am
my ex-boyfriend and i have just spend 2 hours online talking about letting go, dating other people, all the while assuring each other of our positions in one another's heart and the whole "if you love something and let it goes.. if it comes back then you know it's for sure" kind of thing.

just a little background... we were first loves; first everything... we dated off and on for a year. attraction is still there, even today; but its clear that it won't work out so we both decided to follow the plan of dating other people and go separate ways, grow up and finding ourselves.

it's weird because his best friend and i have this connection that has potential to develope into a romance. he is ok with it, because he trusts his best friend, especially trusts him with me, knowing his friend would treat me well, perhaps even better than he could (in his own words). my ex is also finding himself attracted to one of my good friends. it's hard on me a little bit, knowing this is the the love to whom i would've given everything, now findhing himself liking my friend. but i gotta follow the plan of letting each other date others, etc. so somehow i gotta accept that and let him seek his interest with my friend, i mean, it's as good as with anyone else.

so any advice on how to let go? how to see it as a positive opportunities for growth? how to be ok with him and my friend? its a good start already, but i just need some encouragements and justifications to support me along. thank you very much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
In reply to: melody127
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:54pm

You mentioned a lot of things. I think that are completey separate from each other. Letting go of someone, or trying to move on, usually doesn't also include being okay with them dating your friends. Have you ever thought that maybe he is okay with you dating his friend, so that you can be okay with him dating yours?


Are you on of the mind set that it takes a strong person to be okay with your ex dating your friends? I am not so sure about this whole thing. It almost sounds like a game to me.

 

-amy-    "CL-fiesty"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
In reply to: melody127
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 2:33pm
thank you! what you said really made sense and made me see things in a newer perspective. but i know that he is really ok with his friend dating me because he trusts his friend, and we are over.. plus his friend likes me... and i have thought about what you said, and it could just that he's letting his friend do this so he could date my friend... etc. but things are not so developed as it might sounds. his friend and i, we are not dating, there might be attraction but im not ready. and my friend doesn't like my ex like that. she isn't interested, so the friend per friend thing is not gonna work out.

i think you are also right in the fact that... i shouldn't move on by dating other guys, and if something's not ok with me, i don't have to pretend to be the bigger person and to be ok with it... actually, i just won't even worry about it anymore. there are other things i need to focus on, such as friendship, family, and work, etc. all i know is i gotta let him go, if it takes time, and focus on my own healing. thank you for your advices.