Letting others ruin our relationship
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| Mon, 07-02-2007 - 10:19am |
This is kind of a lot to take in all at once, but please, bare with me and lend me some advice:
My BF and I were dating for about 3 weeks and then I had to find a place to live. My roommates and I were going to extend the lease but decided to not b/c they are going to be getting married and it was just best for us all to seperate. While deciding where to live my BF told me that I could move in with him and not have to pay rent and be able to save up some money and we could be together all the time. It seemed like a good idea, so we moved me in. I've been living with him for 3 months now.
Before we got together I knew his situation; there was a female who was pregnant and she said that the baby could or could not be his, she's due this month (July). He said that he had no interest in her, but did want to be there for the child if it was his. He had also previously been engaged (to a different female)but had been broken up for almost a year when we started dating. He and his father own a business together where both his cousins and sister work that is located right behind our house.
The first month that we were living together things went pretty well. There was kind of a lot of talk about the baby and his ex fiance, but it was more or less trying to understand the whole situation in order to deal with it. After a while though, he got to the point that he would get pissed if I brought any of it up which bothered me b/c to me, if you are going to be able to deal with a situation you need to be able to talk about it.
Then it came up that his cousin was getting married (July 21st) and he had to walk his ex fiance down the isle b/c he was the best man and she was the maid of honor. I didnt have a whole lot to say about it at first, it's their wedding and they have every right to make what dicisions that they want. Well, one day I came home and my BF was in a weird mood. I kept asking what was wrong and he finally told me that he talked to his cousin and his fiance about trying to switch his other cousin (the groom's brother) with him so that he didnt have to walk his ex down the isle and they refused to do it so he was all upset. I talked to the brother of the groom about it and how I hoped that the couple getting married didnt think that I had brought that up b/c I understood that it was their wedding and they were going to do what they were going to do and that was when he mad ethe comment that my BF "is only complaining about it b/c he still wants to be with his ex but she wont have anything to do with him". I didnt even know what to think but I had to ask my BF what that was all about. He said that his cousin says things all the time that he didnt know what he was talking about and I should just let it to. I tried (am trying) but it still makes me paranoid!!
A few weeks ago, my BF found out that his father and sister were taking from the business to pay their personal bills and this wasnt the first time for his father and his sister had never done this before. It put him into t a complete rage and then into depression and he decided to take a week off to prove a point to them so it will stop happening. It really started hurting our relationship (even worse than it was already hurt) b/c he was always bitter and I didnt know what to think. Naturally, being a female, I felt that his bitterness was all b/c of me and that didnt help anything either, but I kept telling myself to just hang in there, it will get better.
A week later, his sister (20 years old) comes to our house when my sister was there and behind our backs starts telling my sister that she "never gets to see her brother any more, he doesnt talk to her like he used to, he's never happy any more, and he's always being a D***". My sister said that she was making it sound like it was ever since we got together. I told my BF about this and he said that she has done this with every girlfriend that he has had; tried to push them away. I told him that he needs to speak up and tell her to quit doing this because it was going to break us up. I feel like I'm bringing him down and I cant tell if it's me or not b/c his family keeps messing with us and putting all kinds of ideas in my head that are making me wonder if he even really loves me or wants to be with me. He says that he does and that I'm the first girl that has made him realize that he doesnt want to live his life this way (with his family controlling him) but he continues to do nothing about it!
The problem is, he doesnt want to have confrontations with all these people messing with us because they're his family and he has to work with them every day on top of that. However, if he never says a word about any of it, they're going to continue to do it!
I truely love this guy or I wouldnt even be sticking around in this situation, but I need some advice on how to fix this before it's too late.
PLEASE HELP!!!!

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I realize this is something that he has to deal with, but I'm afraid he never will...
If the baby is his I'm going to support him. I can deal with it as long and the baby's mother and him deal with it like adults which may be hard b/c they're only 24 years old themselves. He knows all this.
Welcome to the board s111y14s,
Hmm, I think it's best if you ignore his family for awhile.