Liar

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Liar
6
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 8:24am

I have been with my boyfriend since January 2004 we both worked the same place and we were both students at first he wanted me to keep our relationship a secret saying he did not want the people at work to know but I told some of my colleagues. he did not want to sit by me on the bus and when I would speak to him in front of our workmates he would ignore me or shout at me and we would argue.

we stayed together and I was so in love I asked him for us to move in together to save money and I could not bear staying away from me he asked his cousins who said no it is not a good idea to do since we were not married but we were having sex. after a year we started living together I noticed that he lied and kept secrets whilst we lived together we did not kiss properly for over a year and a half and he would not touch me or cuddle even if I asked and begged. he would always say he loves me and that he has stopped lying to me. we would have sex and he stopped calling my name.

I wanted to go back to my country because I am struggling here and he begged me to stay saying that when he gets his indefinite stay I will as well we would live in the house his job will provide buy one of our own and rent it out. whilst he was away on his job training I found out I was losing allot of blood and was very ill then the doctor said i was having an ectopic pregnancy he took one extra week off his leave to stay with me but he was distant signing on a bus please release me let me go when I asked him about it he said that is a song the guy where we worked used to sing(truth but I think he was singing it for me). on Christmas day he asked me to marry him but never mentioned anything about it after that!

I showed him countless times and days before the rings I like solitaire he bought an eternity ring and was shouting at me oh you do not like it then although I was recovering from surgery he allowed me to go on my own to town to look for another ring on my own. when I ask why he is not making plans he say we don't know how much the wedding will cost so no use making plans. I have not worked since dec after the operation.

I created a profile online and invited him as a friend asked him who the girl in the pic with him and he replied my girlfriend when things were nice so I continued asking him questions he said I am lazy and he wanted to see how far he can go with the person I have pictures of breasts on there he commented how nice they were I asked if we could meet and he said he might be free on Wednesday then when me the real girl asked would I see him on Wednesday he started saying we will be leaving late and started arguing getting irritated saying he cannot see me on Wednesday whilst I am pretending to be that other person he says to me I cannot reply you emails because I was not online and I know he is lying.

my visa runs out in June and he refuses to marry before that I do not want to marry him just for that I love him with all my heart yes it will help but before he got his new status I suggested we marry and he come on mine as a dependant even when we were in the same boat I wanted to marry him even though he did not have a new status or I had mine or whatever I wanted to be his wife. it hurts because about two weeks before he kept something for me so I talked about to him and he did not take the bait to tell me he changed his address for his mail and lied to me giving all reasons saying the bank has not contacted him blab bla bla when I saw the letter in his bag he then removed it in his bag because I went to look for it to show him he said nothing about it the whole day I called him to privacy and asked whether he had anything he wanted to say he replied no I told him speak to me do you have anything to confess this is your chance are you lying to me or hiding anything from he said no he does not lie to me anymore he loves me very much and wants to spend the rest of his life with me then I told him! after I told his cousin what happened she spoke to him then he came downstairs and begged me saying it will never happen ask him anything that was the last time I said its over then I heard a message from a pastor saying forgive and no man is perfect we can build the perfect man. but now I know he is still lying and might go ahead with the intention of cheating on me with the online (pretend) lady I do not know if it is his first time or if he has cheated. when he calls me I get so angry I feel cold and tremble sorry for the long run-on there is so much more. should I stay or should I run away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: ebonygal871
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 10:33am

Welcome to the board ebonygal871,


In my opinion, you should leave him. Do you really want to be in a relationship/marriage with a man you lies to you all the time and whom you can't trust? From the online conversion you had with him being pretend to be someone else, I bet he has cheated on you before.


If you do stay with him, do you think you will be happy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: ebonygal871
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 12:09pm

Welcome to the board ebanygal871,


Getting married will not stop him from lying. Nor will it make you happy for very long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
In reply to: ebonygal871
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 3:09pm
There is nothing here for you to fight for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
In reply to: ebonygal871
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:06pm
Honey i am so sorry, a man like that is not somone you want to be with. I understand how hard it is to let go when your feelings drawing you back are so strong. He is a liar and a cheater (and a theif that stole your heart). In my opinon after reading that he is not somone you should be with, i say you break it off- you should and could find sombody much better for you, somone you can ENJOY spending time with and who loves and enjoyes time with you. Good luck in your search for a respectable honest man, they are out there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
In reply to: ebonygal871
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 5:28am
thanks alot for your reply. i went out last weekend with an old friend and my bf has started calling and wanting to see me. whereas before when i wanted to solve the problem he would hang up or argue for no reason. i think he is jealous and sees that my life can survive without him. i now want to concentrate on getting my life back on track and becoming strong to finally say NO to him. again thanks for your reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
In reply to: ebonygal871
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 2:55pm
Great! I am so happy for you. Good luck with everything.