Liar's Club

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Liar's Club
3
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 8:06pm
MY HUSBAND IS 33-IN THE NAVY-AND HANGS OUT WITH 21 AND 22 YEAR-OLDS. HE GOES OUT WITH THEM AFTER WORK AND DRINKS WITH THEM AND COMES HOME AND LIES ABOUT IT. RECENTLY HE GOT HOME AT 4 IN THE A.M., AND COME TO FIND OUT,HE NEVER WENT TO WORK THAT DAY, AND HE HAD BOUGHT A BRAND NEW OUTFIT TO GO TO A STRIP CLUB WITH HIS LITTLE FRIENDS. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, WE JUST HAD A BABY GIRL 7 WEEKS AGO, AND HE'S BEEN GOING TO THESE STRIP CLUBS THE WHOLE TIME I WAS PREGNANT. WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T HAPPEN WHILE WE'RE MARRIED, WITHOUT THE CONSENT OF THE OTHER SPOUSE, AND THIS WAS ONE OF THEM.

SINCE I FOUND OUT, HE CONTINUES TO COME HOME LATE, AFTER DRINKING WITH HIS LITTLE FRIENDS AND LIES ALL THE TIME. I TOLD HIM TO DECIDE BETWEEN HIS FAMILY OR HIS FRIENDS AND DRINKING-DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A FAIR THING TO DO? OR SHOULD I CHANGE MY STRATEGY TO GET THROUGH TO HIM THAT I'VE PUT UP WITH ENOUGH?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 8:42pm
If you have really 'put up with enough' and don't want anymore then it sounds like you need to leave. Are you ready for that? It sounds like he isn't being a husband or a father and you might not be worse off. How is your support system?

There is nothing wrong with an ultimatum if it is logical, benefits you and your daughter for the better and you are fully prepared to back it up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 8:44pm
First I want to say thank you you wrote back to me about my'porn man'.I will tell you that if you have not lived thru it its like nobody understands.I have2 kids and I want to make this marriage work,Im sure you do to.So anyway I understand you,let me no how it works out&best of luck to you&the baby. Jamie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 11:51pm
I Feel so very bad for you. Not only do I know how insecure & stresed & tired out you must feel with the recent birth of your daughter but to add this to the list?! First off, I find it entirely unacceptable for your h to go out & specifically purchase an outfit to go to a strip club.Next he hangs out w/21/22 yo's. Hmm..makes me think he is trying to re-live his youth(Yet not being old himself) He is older then them meaning most likely they do not bear the same "Responsibilities"RE:Wife,Child(ren); He is acting like a selfish Jerk & you should not accept his behaviour! I can imagine at this point you are not to keen on the idea of "Up & Leaving". However there must be a change in order for this marriage to have even a remote chance of lasting. Yes, people go through changes & sometimes it is enevitable they do stupid things.However, YOU Are His Wife, YOU are the mother of his child(ren) & therefore, YOU should DEMAND respect & if not...........

Just conveniently "forget" to come home a few nights(go stay w/a girlfriend,family,whatever...) Make HIM wonder YOUR whereabouts!!

I wish you well in this & please keep up-dated on the situation! HUGS!!!!