libido less boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
libido less boyfriend
3
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 11:41am
I have been officially dating my boyfriend for a little over 5 months and we live together. We have been friends for about 2 years. The 1st month of our sex life was wonderful...considering I have a 3 year old at home. After the 1st month it has dwindled to barely twice a month, and it is when he wants it. Being in our early 30's, I want it ALL the time. It was a real problem for me because this is the time of a relationship that we are supposed to be like rabbits...right? It would bring me to tears because I had no idea what was going on. First he said he didn't know what was wrong. He had some court issues, he said it was possibly that, then it was possibly because he was tired cuz he was working so much. Then about 2 months ago he said he thinks it is because the things I do and the way I look reminds him of his mom and it creeps him out. He had told me I resembeled his mother before we officially started dating but I thought that had subsided since we started dating. He says if I change my hair that might help, but I think if the problem is I look like his mom, then with different hair, I will still look like his mom...only with different hair. I don't know what to do. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, and I believe him, he is an awesome boyfriend...except the lack of sex. He is a very sexually experienced person so I know it's not like he feels bad for not saving himself or anything. I don't know if it could be a hormone imbalance or just not that into the relationship like he says he is or what?????? Has anyone gone through this, any advise? I'm really confused...it sucks sexually and mentally :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 12:59pm
after i posted my message, i read yours. I know the feeling of confusion and frustration. i think its so crazy how there are actually men out there that will say no to sex. I never knew that exsited..lol. I tell my boyfriend that and it just pisses him of even more. I feel like talking to him about it just makes things worse. I feel just as helpless as you. I just wanted you to know you're not the only one with a libido challenged boyfriend and Im sure there are more of us out there. Have you considered talking to him about libido supplements such as argentine or L-Tyrosine? These kinds of supplements trigger neurotransmitters and assist with the blood flow. I tried talking to mine kidding aroung but he very serioulsy responded its not a functional problem. I think the stigma of using ED related drungs freaks him out. So thats that. Oh...and the part where you have sex when he wants it totally struck a cord with me. Do you ever tell yourself that you will not give him sex the next time he wants? and then he barely breathes on your ear and your weak to your knees? I dont know about you but I hate that feeling. I makes me feel owned and controlled. There has to be a solution to this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 4:06pm

Welcome to the board shawnamomma,


It would be a good idea to have it get checked out by his doctor to rule out anything medical. It is truly is because you remind him of his mom, I don't know if that can be changed. But that seems

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 5:08pm

This is not a hormone problem, it's a psychological one. And he's told you, point blank, what it is. If you remind him of his mother, forget it. There's no way he can feel sexual with you. It would feel like he's with his mom. This is not your fault. It says nothing about you, and as I see it, there's really nothing you can do about it. Unless he went to therapy and worked out his feelings, the sex life could not grow and be fulfilling.


Even though he's a great boy friend, he's basically only a friend. Talk this over with him. Let him know you want to be with someone who loves and wants you and sees you as a sexy woman, not his mother.


If I were you I'd move on.


Best wishes,