libidos mismatched and confused
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| Sun, 01-04-2004 - 5:13pm |
I'm in serious need of help, and I am so confused in regard to my current relationship.
My girlfriend of approximately 9 month and I have had sexual problems for almost our
entire relationship. We have amazing chemistry on every other level, and I am trying
to ignore my sexual needs and confusions.
We initially had sex early on into our relationship, and unfortunately it was too soon.
She had just gotten over a disfunctional long distance relationship, and I could tell
early on that she was badly scared due to this. Although she was scared and angry that
"her dream had died", I knew that she would eventually see me as the man in her life if
I stuck it out. After several weeks of sexual intimacy she decided to put a stop to
our sex life. Initially I was hurt, although I figured she needed to take some time to
sort out her head before committing again. Months went by, and I feel I stayed patient,
although after the initially sexual relations we both engaged in, I of course still
think about it daily (I am a man:). Of course this is becoming hard for me, and I have
slowly begun conversation about this. I now stay calm in our talks regarding this, and
I have let her know that it is a problem. I told her that the lack of intimacy still
indicates to me that there is something wrong. Everything tells me that this situation
is defining a friendship, although I really love this girl's inner characteristics.
I'm assuming this has to do with depression, but after 9 months, my understanding nature
is wearing thin. If I like this woman, should I just grin and bear it. I'm hoping
that this will end and return to the state we were in when we initiated sexual relations.
Its just so difficult to put it out of my head when I have already sexually committed to
this woman.
Thank you in advance for your help and advice (its really needed).
NEMO

date others if you want a full relationship... she's not able to for whatever reason.
I can understand if she felt that you rushed things and wanted to take a step back before continuing - but nine months is a very long time.
As much as you like this girl, I would forget the idea of romance and be friends. Find somebody who wants the same things you do (a sexual relationship!)
You have been unbelievably patient - but patience isn't a cure-all and it sounds as though you've waited long enough. Time to move on. Sorry for your pain.
Peace - Pebbles