libidos mismatched and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
libidos mismatched and confused
2
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 5:13pm
Hello,

I'm in serious need of help, and I am so confused in regard to my current relationship.

My girlfriend of approximately 9 month and I have had sexual problems for almost our

entire relationship. We have amazing chemistry on every other level, and I am trying

to ignore my sexual needs and confusions.

We initially had sex early on into our relationship, and unfortunately it was too soon.

She had just gotten over a disfunctional long distance relationship, and I could tell

early on that she was badly scared due to this. Although she was scared and angry that

"her dream had died", I knew that she would eventually see me as the man in her life if

I stuck it out. After several weeks of sexual intimacy she decided to put a stop to

our sex life. Initially I was hurt, although I figured she needed to take some time to

sort out her head before committing again. Months went by, and I feel I stayed patient,

although after the initially sexual relations we both engaged in, I of course still

think about it daily (I am a man:). Of course this is becoming hard for me, and I have

slowly begun conversation about this. I now stay calm in our talks regarding this, and

I have let her know that it is a problem. I told her that the lack of intimacy still

indicates to me that there is something wrong. Everything tells me that this situation

is defining a friendship, although I really love this girl's inner characteristics.

I'm assuming this has to do with depression, but after 9 months, my understanding nature

is wearing thin. If I like this woman, should I just grin and bear it. I'm hoping

that this will end and return to the state we were in when we initiated sexual relations.

Its just so difficult to put it out of my head when I have already sexually committed to

this woman.

Thank you in advance for your help and advice (its really needed).

NEMO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 11:57pm
nemo, if she doesn't want to, then she doesn't want to and you're in the "friend zone"...

date others if you want a full relationship... she's not able to for whatever reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 8:53am
Not good.

I can understand if she felt that you rushed things and wanted to take a step back before continuing - but nine months is a very long time.

As much as you like this girl, I would forget the idea of romance and be friends. Find somebody who wants the same things you do (a sexual relationship!)

You have been unbelievably patient - but patience isn't a cure-all and it sounds as though you've waited long enough. Time to move on. Sorry for your pain.

Peace - Pebbles