Lies all the time.
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| Fri, 01-30-2004 - 8:35am |
Most things he tells me now I always have to double ask him and ask him again just to try and believe what he is saying.
Things he has lied about are little not serious but still hurt. Things like, I bought him a pressie of the net and left the page open by accident. He told me he hadn't looked (when I knew he had done) and he kept on promising me that he hadn't. Anyway eventually he told me he had lied and had actually seen it. I told him not to lie to me about little things and he promised.
Anyway later on a few days there was something else, I had told him some private imformation and said not to tell anyone, including his mother! anyway we were at his mothers house and I went to the toilet and came down and we left, I asked him if he had mentioned it to her and he promised me he hadn't, however I had a feeling he had so I kept asking as I was finding it hard to belive him. He eventually told me later on that he had and he was sorry for lieing, It hurt me he had done it again but he promised me he wouldn;t do it anymore as I was finding it hard to believe him.
There has been alot more incidences since then as well and each time he says hes really sorry and wont lie and that I just have to learn to trust him. Hes a great guy in so many ways I just want to start believing him about things he says to me as now everything he says I can't believe and this is hard.
Any suggestions or help??

its simple really. people lie - because their values "permit" them to lie. if you put up with the lying - that is your choice.
in general - your relationship does not sound like a loving, healthy, strong relationship. he lies to you (i am not sure what you mean by little lies) - and you *know* he is lying so you nudge and nudge and nudge him until he 'fesses up. in addition - he broke a promise to you about keeping something private.
can people change? yes. but - only if THEY want to and only
by little lies I mean not totally serious like cheating or kissing another women or internet relationships. I just mean little day to day things even though they are still bad.
I really want to stay with him but I also need to believe what he says to me otherwise I am always going to be doubting him.
Should I be angry at him when he lies to me? or just except it and talk to him and hope (yet again) that he wont lie again!!
Edited 1/30/2004 9:21:35 AM ET by vampd2
Faith and trust are the basis of all relationships. If you cannot believe him, the very foundation of your relationship is shaky. Let him know that. It sounds to me as though he may be a "pathological liar" - this is a person who lies compulsively and has little control over it. He needs to be made to realize how serious this situation is - and that you cannot ocntinue for the long term with someone you cannot believe. If he keeps lying, even after he's promised he wouldn't, it may be necessary for him to seek some professional counselling to sort this out...Patterns that are so deep and continuous can be hard to break alone. We must understand their basic cause and how to replace them with new ways of being. If he won't face or get help for his problem, I do not think this is a good situation for you to stay in.
All good wishes.
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well how can you say that you believe and trust him if you don't believe him? HE LIES. whether its big stuff or little stuff - its who he is. and he doesn't think there is anything wrong with lying. so if he doesn't see the big deal about lying about so-called little stuff - he is not going to see the big deal about lying about MAJOR stuff.
relationship problems are not just about your SO cheating on you. there are many aspects to life. he will lie about anything - he will lie about money, he will tell you he did something when he didn't (and vice versa), and so on.
sorry honey but this is not a basis for a healthy relationship...