Lies,Lies and more Lies

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Lies,Lies and more Lies
14
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 9:24am
I have been married to this man for only 8 months (whom I thought was a wonderful human being) we moved out of his house 3 months ago. Would of moved out sooner, but my house was being rented out. Let me tell you all the lies that I have encountered in these few months. Plus all the crap my boys and myself have gone through.



Took my son's stereo, never to be found again

took my son's gift certificate

took my son's battery out of his car and put his old one back in w/o telling anyone

Took my wedding rings

took my cell phone

took my son's JD tractor that was a gift from him, I recovered that one back

Keeps files on myself and my oldest son

put my sports car up on hoists for the winter last yr, because I wanted to take my son to work~told me its not a convience car.

NEVER told me about his first wife of 9 yrs and 3 childeren that he adopted out (OMG)

Told me he has never been to Hawaii (because we were going to go there on our honeymoon, found out he got married over there to his 3rd wife. (OMG)

Locked me out of the bedroon twice, then felt bad and wantd me back in

Verbally abused my oldest son by calling him terrible names to his face. He now says he feels bad and that wasn't the right thing to do.

never plowed out the driveway so I could go to work, he knew I could not get out, but he could, he has a 4 wheel drive truck 2 of them and he would not let me take one. He did not have the time to plow the night before because he had things to do in the office to he told me to take some of my \money and hire someone. or to have my boys shovel...this driveway is 1/2 mile long we lived on 10 acres.

I think the ONE thing that stands out in my head and I lost alot of love for him is when my son got in an accident falling off a car hitting his face on the pavement going 20 mile per hour. and I asked my husband "you acted like you didn't even care and his response was "I DON'T" I lightening bolt went through my body at that point and I had tears in my eyes.

But yet he loves me and feels rejected that I left...and Wants me back. He thinks that I did not take my vows seriously and "I DO" menas "I DO". What Mom will stand by and put up with this.

I have talked with his 2nd and 3rd wife and they tell me pretty much the same thing.

I feel Like I was duped.

Would you be scared to go back to this situation?

thank you for listening, Victoria


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 9:57am
You've been advised repeatedly to drop the fairy tale that you think marriage is required to be no matter the character of the person you marry - and end this relationship.

Two women so far have gotten out alive, and have thrived and moved on.

If you follow thier lead - you and your children will have the same ending.

If you go back...there is no telling what the possibilities are for you and your children. Did you hear about the woman who's 3 children were decapitated in Baltimore.....he doesn't like your kids, he resents the intrusion and expense, he sees them as a threat and a nuisance...the risk to your children is enormous.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 11:49am
It is time to get out before he steals anything else from you. Move on and learn from the experience. Teach your sons how to be treated and keep your self respect.
Avatar for loveu_4ever
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:25pm
hey, i can see putting up with an intolerable jerk,we all done that before, even myself. but when he starts stealing from your kids and lies about it, something is wrong, give yourself some peace of mind, let this one go, you deserve better, your kids deserve better. He sounds like he got a lot of issues, that have nothing to do with you or your family. Please protect yourself and you children, my prayers are with you. take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 2:08pm
I remember you and all these lies. (there were a lot more than just these, I recall) What possible reason could you have for even entertaining the thought of going back to this looser? It defies logic!

I can not imagine any loving mother putting her children in such a terrible and threatening situation.

His comment about you saying "I DO" is crap. By his definition, in saying 'I DO', you give permission for the other to treat you however badly they see fit and you are to just take it indefinitely. But, does he really believe his definition? Does the "I DO" promise go both ways? No, of course not!!!! If it did, you are allowed to treat him however you want and he would be continuing to love and cherish you anyway. Wait a minute.....that assumes he did love and cherish you....NOT!!! The way he treated you essentially nullified the marriage vow thereby releasing you from your contractual obligation. Let's also remember the very real fact that you said "I DO" under false pretences. He used fraud and deceit to elicit this "I DO" from you.

This guy is a LIAR! He lies and uses people for his own benefit and admittedly DOES NOT CARE about you or your children, only what he can get from you. His track record proves it. He's a LIAR! Why are you even listening to a single word he says? TELL HIM TO GET LOST! STOP TALKING TO HIM and STOP LISTENING TO HIS LIES!

Have you sought out counseling yet? Please, please contact someone trained in the dynamics of abuse and save yourself and your children from your own bad judgment.

Keep looking up^, Susan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 7:03pm
i am so sorry this has happened to you,but i think you should be thankful this has happened now and 10 years in the future.i know you still love him and it will be hard to stay away but from what you have said he has done nothing for you and has not been there emotionally for you.with all the lies you found out about,how many more are waiting to be discovered,what else will he put you through.you need to look after yourself and your children.my heart goes out to you and good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 7:02am
Oh dear, I'm praying for you. You are lucky to be so keen to what is going on - but you need help and you need to STAY OUT. I'm sorry the marriage isn't what you expected it to be, but his history and the 2 other wives supporting it - wait, you are #4?? Dear, he's definitely got issues.

This isn't about you. Get back wiht family, friends anything. I'm so sorry reading your post. Your future can only get better - you sound smart and intelligent, so don't lose any more life on this mean person.

I'm truly sorry for your situation. Keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 9:57am
You see I really don't see him that often and the boys and myself are soooo happy and at peace to be back in our home. It seems like everytime we need something that we left behind or forgot it comes up missing...my son needed his car jack so his Dad and him could work on his car. I told my husband that because it was right out on the side of the driveway and it disappeared the next day...hmmm...I told him 2 weeks ago that I want to pick up the boys sports balls that were left in a big barrel along with the baseball gloves...can't find the ball gloves..

Now he is accusing me of taking his VCR. we have one, i don't need 2.besides my son said that it did not work. He said it was there when we moved and it was, because my son tried hooking it up...now its gone and he thinks we came back in the house and took it...What you have to understand is this man hides and locks things up non stop...so he never knows where things are...he says he is just trying to survive....OMG.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 7:22am

are you serious? go *back* to what? its not as if you don't KNOW what awaits you.


get yourself to a therapist, get your kids the help that they need - and move ON.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 5:19pm
Thats what is scary about this kind of a person, they can be sooooooo charming and sweet one minute and acuse you of stuff and be crappy to you the next. I don't get it..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:13am
Thanks everyone, as usually you guys always give great advice, I don't plan on going back, as a matter of fact we had a talk last night and he got so bent out of shape because I happen to mention something from his past and it was just about some property. You cannot talk to this man about anything from his past...how does two become one if you can't talk about the past once in a while,to get to know one another,even the counselor mentioned that.. He ended up telling me that he sometimes wish he had never met me and said we were done and hung up....

You see he hasn't even been divorced from his 3rd wife for a yr and that cost him 70,000 dollars. I asked him if he can afford 2 divorces in a yr..that must be a record.

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