Lies,Lies and more Lies
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Lies,Lies and more Lies
| Fri, 05-28-2004 - 9:24am |
I have been married to this man for only 8 months (whom I thought was a wonderful human being) we moved out of his house 3 months ago. Would of moved out sooner, but my house was being rented out. Let me tell you all the lies that I have encountered in these few months. Plus all the crap my boys and myself have gone through.
Took my son's stereo, never to be found again
took my son's gift certificate
took my son's battery out of his car and put his old one back in w/o telling anyone
Took my wedding rings
took my cell phone
took my son's JD tractor that was a gift from him, I recovered that one back
Keeps files on myself and my oldest son
put my sports car up on hoists for the winter last yr, because I wanted to take my son to work~told me its not a convience car.
NEVER told me about his first wife of 9 yrs and 3 childeren that he adopted out (OMG)
Told me he has never been to Hawaii (because we were going to go there on our honeymoon, found out he got married over there to his 3rd wife. (OMG)
Locked me out of the bedroon twice, then felt bad and wantd me back in
Verbally abused my oldest son by calling him terrible names to his face. He now says he feels bad and that wasn't the right thing to do.
never plowed out the driveway so I could go to work, he knew I could not get out, but he could, he has a 4 wheel drive truck 2 of them and he would not let me take one. He did not have the time to plow the night before because he had things to do in the office to he told me to take some of my \money and hire someone. or to have my boys shovel...this driveway is 1/2 mile long we lived on 10 acres.
Took my son's stereo, never to be found again
took my son's gift certificate
took my son's battery out of his car and put his old one back in w/o telling anyone
Took my wedding rings
took my cell phone
took my son's JD tractor that was a gift from him, I recovered that one back
Keeps files on myself and my oldest son
put my sports car up on hoists for the winter last yr, because I wanted to take my son to work~told me its not a convience car.
NEVER told me about his first wife of 9 yrs and 3 childeren that he adopted out (OMG)
Told me he has never been to Hawaii (because we were going to go there on our honeymoon, found out he got married over there to his 3rd wife. (OMG)
Locked me out of the bedroon twice, then felt bad and wantd me back in
Verbally abused my oldest son by calling him terrible names to his face. He now says he feels bad and that wasn't the right thing to do.
never plowed out the driveway so I could go to work, he knew I could not get out, but he could, he has a 4 wheel drive truck 2 of them and he would not let me take one. He did not have the time to plow the night before because he had things to do in the office to he told me to take some of my \money and hire someone. or to have my boys shovel...this driveway is 1/2 mile long we lived on 10 acres.
I think the ONE thing that stands out in my head and I lost alot of love for him is when my son got in an accident falling off a car hitting his face on the pavement going 20 mile per hour. and I asked my husband "you acted like you didn't even care and his response was "I DON'T" I lightening bolt went through my body at that point and I had tears in my eyes.
But yet he loves me and feels rejected that I left...and Wants me back. He thinks that I did not take my vows seriously and "I DO" menas "I DO". What Mom will stand by and put up with this.
I have talked with his 2nd and 3rd wife and they tell me pretty much the same thing.
I feel Like I was duped.
Would you be scared to go back to this situation?
thank you for listening, Victoria

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First, thank GOD you got out. Second, PLEASE STAY OUT.
Honey, if he were just doing the bad things to you (horrible things that he is) that would be one thing, at least he could control himself in front of the children. I would still be telling you to not go back to him, but for the sake of your boys, Im just downright BEGGING you not to. He hurts your children, hon.
What is the speck of wonderful in a man who could even possibly do that to a child, no matter their age. I am a very timid, very cowardly woman...UNTIL you dare to even look at my children in the wrong way. Like I told my husband on our first date (and he told me about his son on the same night): I dont ask you to adore my children, I just demand that you understand that I DO adore my children and act accordingly. There is never any excuse that he could give that would justify cussing or screaming or berating a child to his face. Not ONE. Who cares if he's angry, who cares if he's hurt, who cares what he wants. That is a CHILD and you do not try to batter a child, whether physically or emotionally.
The taking of things, the locking you out, the guilt trips, the lies, all that is one thing at its base - CONTROL. Honey, he doesnt want to love you, he wants to dominate you and blanket it in sugar so you'll be blind enough to take it.
When he says he is sorry, believe me, he is. Know WHY he's sorry? Because he has no control over you and those boys when you arent taking this mess. Hes lost his power. Of COURSE he's going to try to get that back, and be just as sweet, as wonderful, as you remembered the first time he lured you in. He thinks that he knows you well enough to know that if he cries, if he 'enlightens you to the revelations he's had', to understand that "he just wasnt thinking', you'll cry into his arms, you'll bring those kids back, and you will be under his thumb again.
Let me open your eyes to one thing though, honey. He hasnt changed and the one that you met after you got your wedding ring is the REAL DEAL as far as his personality. Why should he have to be nice now? He got you didnt he? THAT controlling, manipulative, maniacal thief is HIM. If you would turn away from your head long enough to go back to him, I could almost lay out what would happen. Why? Because I lived it. Its hell, hon'.
If you would go back, without saying it aloud, you would tell him that you accept the treatment that he gave as acceptable and because of that he would do it again, and worse. They always do. You might gain a good month or two of him 'walking the walk' and then just as swiftly as he 'changed' he would be back in full swing, along with a good dose of anger that you tried to defy him. So, it gets worse. My first marriage finally ended at the point when I learned it did nothing but tear itself down the longer that I tried to turn away from what I had to do.
The hardest thing to do is the right thing. It would be so simple to rise to his bait of "I Do"'s meaning and go back and let him start back in. The harder thing to do is to look at your childrens faces happy and decide that until the RIGHT man comes along thats going to have to be enough for you. Realizing that you are all they have, or that this type of behavior could LOSE you your kids if you go back and he does it again and the kids dad gets wind of it.
I can see some of my hurts and fears in you and I wish that I could tell you how to come to those same conclusions that I did with alot less hurt than I had to go through. I left the first time bent, the last time that I left him and finally divorced him, I was downright broken. It altered my life for years. The worst part of that was remembering what my kids had to see. My eighteen month old would scream if my ex husband stood beside me. That image stays in my mind. The guilt stays there worse.
Which regret is more endurable? A failed marriage or a failed mother? From how you speak of your boys, I know the answer. The hardest part is doing it and for that I send you all the strength I can.
He is crazy, a liar, dysfunctional, abusive and horrible to your children. You must have zero self-esteem to even be considering it!
If I were your child and you went back to this man I would horrified and disgusted and would seriously wonder whether I could have you in my life.
Get a grip woman and stay away from this man - he is bad news - you have just listed all the reasons why.
Coolas
That was just half of the lies and crap that we went through.
we had to call the police once when he tried to rip my purse off my shoulder to get to my van keys, and then I flew againest the wall.
He went upstairs everynight or ever morning to see what was left on. If my son left a computer on he would unplug from the wall and take cords and throw the mouse behind the desk.
He would unscrew the bathroom light bulbs if left on.
take electric blanket off bed for a week if left on.
if papers were left on counter, he would put them on the chair.
He would post sticky notes all over the house for the boys.
Before I got home from work he would always erase all the calls off caller ID and erase all messages..He would tell me if I had one though. (BIG DEAL)
When he knew we were moving out he would hide food in his office in the filing cabinet and had a cooler with frozen food in it.
and the list goes on and on. He says he was trying to put structure in there lives...OMG
Listen... leave him now. He is a piece of garbage and is not good enough for you. He treats you like C-R-A-P. And that's putting it nicely.
So smarten up miss, and leave him. NOW.
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