Life after abuse
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| Thu, 10-04-2007 - 11:58am |
Last year, on December 28, I left my fiance. We had been together for 3 years, but about a year into the relationship he became very abusive. Mostly it was emotional and verbal abuse, but there were a few times that it got physical. He NEVER hit me... he never laid a hand on me (and he still maintains that position... he didn't hit me therefore he didn't abuse me). He did however throw things at me... he ever threw an xBox out of the 2nd story window at MY HEAD when I was 5 months pregnant. Anyway... I finally workd up the courage to leave him and now I'm in a WONDERFUL relationship with the most amazing man in the world. He never has, and never will, raise is voice to me, call me names, or do anything else mean or abusive to me. Actually, he goes out of his way to make sure I am safe and happy. My problem is that I can't get rid of the fear. It still lingers from my last relationship. I am always wondering WHEN (not IF... WHEN) is he going to hit me, when is he going to yell at me, what is he going to throw at me, when is he going to cheat on me, etc. Because of the trama I went through before, I am very insecure. Can you blame me? I spent 2 years hearing things like "as soon as you leave, I'm going to go sleep with the neighbor... she looks better than you", and so-and-so "has bigger boobs than you", and "you aren't worth my time/money", and my personal favorite "you're a worthless bitch and no man will ever want you". My ex cheated on me, spent all of his time out drinking with his friends, and I spent 2 years scared FOR MY LIFE!
My insecurities and fears are going to ruin my new relationship! My new BF understands and he deals with this without getting angry and he reassures me that I will never have to worry about this again. So why am I so worried?!?! I just want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. So why can't I just be happy?


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'My problem is that I can't get rid of the fear. It still lingers from my last relationship. I am always wondering WHEN (not IF... WHEN) is he going to hit me'
Your new man can not make you feel secure so you have to do it for yourself with the help of a professional, don't you think? Seek a therapist. Do it for yourself and your child.
Welcome to the board jlc0206,
First of all, congrats on being strong and brave enough to leave your abusive relationship. The hardest part is leaving. Now, the only way you are going to be able to fully heal from this is by getting into individual counseling. What you are dealing with right now is very normal having just left an abusive relationship.
Best wishes.
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board jlc0206,
Most victims of abuse cannot totally heal and break the pattern or get rid of the fear without therapy. Have you looked into it?
Congratulations on having enough strength to leave a bad relationship and start leading a new life!! There are so many women who aren't as fortunate to have a resolve as strong as yours, and their endings don't turn out to be as happy. I think you've done a great thing for yourself and hope that you trust your own ability to make decisions that are best for you. The fact that you're not dating another abuser is certainly testament to that.
I don't think you can completely overcome that much hardship on your own and it's SO essential that you find a therapist to work with you and help you cope positively with negative feelings. How you are feeling right now is so understandable and it's great that your guy is patient for you. I'm glad you have a loving support system.
Unless you were to have your memory erased, there will always be an emotional scar for you when you think about your past. Over time, and with the right people helping you to ask the right questions/think the right thoughts, the pain will go away and you will fully regain your trust in other people and yourself.
glitter-graphics.com
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