In limbo!!!
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| Fri, 01-18-2008 - 3:13pm |
My bf or maybe my ex-bf lost his mom on New Years day unexpectedly. 2 days before this, he told me that he's not sure if our relationship is working out and when I asked him to give us a second chance he said he'll think about it and get back to me.
Before he got back to me, his mom passed. I have been supportive of him as much as possible. He does have a good support group and a lot of support from family.He also calls me every few days and talks about his feelings of loss, and thanking me for being there for him in spite of "the situation".
I briefly asked him on one occasion if he had a chance to think about where we stood in our relationship, and he said "lets be friends for a few more days!" That was 10 days ago.He's called me a few more times since and never brings "us" up. He called me again last night sharing his grief,and asked if he can call me again, and I said yes.
He is functioning fine,going to work and sees his kids and trying to be there for his sister. He is 42 y/o.
Should I consider the relationship over, since he was not sure about it before his mom's death? or should I think that his loss is causing him not to make a decision about us and wait for him?
Not knowing where I stand is really hurting me and causing a lot of anxiety for me. And I am afraid to push him to decide now. On the other hand, I thought during this time, if he wanted to be with me, he would want my company and my love.
I'm just confused as to how to handle this situation? I appreciate to hear some suggestions and advice.

Welcome to the board sepideh2002,
Wow. This is a hard situation you are in. My advice is to continue to take his calls and be there for him for a little while longer. Wait until about a month after his mom's death and bring up to subject again. If he still can't answer you after that, than do what you feel is best for you.
glitter-graphics.com
Hon, you think he's functioning fine but just because he is going to work and being with his kids and family does not mean he IS fine nor that he is in the place to deal with what was a struggling relationship before the death of his mother.
Thanks for the great advice.
My feelings are that I DO want us to get back together, yet I don't want to keep my hopes up only to be disappointed later. I also think what if I'm being impatient and need to stay in limbo and believe that he wants to give us another chance and that's why he is calling me "as a friend"?
I don't think I can be just friends given the romantic feelings I have for him. At least not yet, maybe after some time has passed.
I understand that he is going through a difficult time, and I wish I could be there to help him, but other than the phone calls, he isn't letting me get close to him.
I agree with vexer.
I don't mean to offend you but I want to point out that you post is filled with "me" and "I" and "I feel" and "I want" and "I'm hurting"
You're talking about a guy who lost his mother barely more than two weeks ago. If you want to be there for him then be there for him, but his mind isn't working on all cylinders right now and asking for a relationship should be the last thing you do. If he wants to be with you again it will be after a lot of healing from this unexpected tragedy that is one of the worst moments in everyone's life but happened to him way too soon. And he will be the one to come to you.