little intimacy but he says he loves me
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little intimacy but he says he loves me
| Sun, 07-11-2004 - 1:39am |
My b/f (35) and I (36) have been together for 3 yrs. We have had some ups and downs in our relationship. The main one that bothers me right now is that we don't have sex that often. We will have sex and then he will not want it for 2-3 months. When we do have it it is usualy pretty good and sometimes really out of this world and then nothing. It has been a sexual rollercoaster ride. The times we don't have sex he isn't very intimant, kissy, huggy, or laying close when watching T.V. I will reach out to hug him and he walks away and I will say get back here and give me a hug. He will and say you know I love you. Well I know but it always feels good to be shown. I feel rejected by this lack of intimacy and love making. I have expressed many many times my feelings about this and he says it is stress. I am not understanding what the heck has him so stressed that he can't have sex but maybe every 2-3 months. He lives with his dad to help take care of him and the house and his dad doesn't take money from him for bills. My b/f works for himself so he pretty much makes his own schedule and he has a roof over his head, food on the table and nice truck and he says a great g/f and I am lost on the stress issue. I told him this is causing problems in our relationship and he says it will all be ok. I have asked him to go to the doctor and be checked out and he will not do it. He will go for other aches and pains, when he is sick or needs to get a cortisone shot in his bad knee but not to ask about his sexual problem. I love him but I am so lonely in this relationship sometimes. Any ideas on how to get him to listen to my needs on this and figuring out the problem he is having? I just don't know what to do anymore. Also, he sees a counselor and he won't tell her about his sexual problems either and he tells me he can open up to her about anything. I don't understand.
TIA

Sex was more frequent for the first 6 months and then it slowly became less and less. In his past relationships the sex sounded like it was frequent and good. I can't go into detail but I would have loved to been with him back then...WOOOOOOW. I just want some spark in our relationship. I know he loves me and I love him.
He doesn't take care of his dad every minute of the day. His dad can do quit a bit for himself. He can cook small meals for himself and bath himself and shave and dress and he walks out in the yard and stays alone for a few hours a day. My b/f helps with cutting the grass, grocery shopping, making dinner sometimes, and taking his dad to the doctors when he needs to go. His dad has meds delivered so my b/f doesn't have to get those. Alot of what my b/f does he would have to do on his own for himself. What he can't handle that??? I don't know what the previous poster had to do for their elderly parent but this sounds like it may be different.
I do however agree that you committ to a relationship and work on the good and the bad. It all will not be good. I have always been there for my man and still am trying to be. I just want my needs met along the way. I don't mind a bad spot but a life long bad spot I can't do. So that is why I came here for advice. I can't imagine a 35 year old man not wanting sex more often. I don't know if it is mental or physical and I am asking if anyone has gone through this and if anyone can help me make my b/f feel more comfortable about dealing with this issue WE are having.
Thanks to all
It's hard to say if this is "just the way he is" , i.e. his sexual needs/desires are just not very great, and he is fine with sex once in a few months, and that at the beginning of the relationship he just put forth alot of effort. and now that you are together - he doesn't have to put forth that effort any more.
or if he is really under a lot of stress - be it due to his dad, his job, whatever.
I would suggest talking to him again. telling him that you love him but miss the intimacy. and that you will go WITH HIM to
Edited 7/12/2004 2:51 pm ET ET by txguy2004