live in bf long term unemployed

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
live in bf long term unemployed
35
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 1:55pm

I am a professional woman with a good job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 3:55pm

Yes, I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 12:55pm

If you're living in fear, then you can't exercise your rights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 4:09pm

I consider the lack of motivation and plain laziness more of an issue than the lower (or no) income.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 1:32am

You two def need some serious conversation because for him to get offended because you brought it up is a sign for worry. There are plenty of jobs he can do while looking for something more permanent.. My husband works construction because that is all he can do now and he wakes up every morning at 6am and comes home at 7pm. He works in the rain and snow, ne never complains. I think people get all fussy about what kind of job they want. Well guess wha,t the world and economy are all messed up and you just have to do what you have to do in order to survive. Besides I might be little bit traditional that way for him to expect his gfriend to support him, just shows you what kind of man he is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 11:53am

Thanks for the tough love...it's why I wrote.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 12:51pm

And trust me I know how you feel, in my previous relationship I was in a similar situation and after 6 years I finally had the strength to break it off. He was always just making minimum or unemployed and because I thought it was just a phase, I ended up in debt because I was paying for everything. Just be very careful that way and you need to protect yourself. He had more than enough time to find something but the only way to deal with this is to talk to him. Yes he might get offended again (the same way my ex did) because thats what they do, they turn it around on us so it comes off as if we are the ones doing something wrong.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 1:32pm

IMO much of the problem is gender roles.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 2:01pm

I see your point about gender roles...I have thought of that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 2:21pm

Your thought makes sense but at the same time, two people have to have some kind of agreement in terms of what role they play in this relationship. It also isn't fair for one person to assume all of the responsibility. Typically in the past, men would contribute to the household with money and women would contribute to the household with time. It was a de facto agreement that did not need to be signed for by both parties. If the OP's significant other is too embarrassed to assume a responsibility toward the household in terms of time (cleaning, repairs, bills, other maintenance) then that's a problem. It is unfair to expect your partner to shoulder a burden like this. The conscience of a person who cares would not allow this amount of inequity.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 11:16am
I'm in a similar position with regard to the original post, and I think your response is helpful. I actually think I'm going to print it out and use it to reaffirm my feelings that led me to ask him to move out last week.
My boyfriend is 33 and hasn't worked a full time job in the entire time we've been dating. He made progress in getting sober, but even after over two years of sobriety, he's not working full time, nor looking for more work, a promotion, or a new job. In addition, I recently found out that half of his gross pay is going to unpaid taxes and school loans through garnishment. The discrepancy between our incomes and motivation is just too ridiculous for our living situation to continue, and I am more clearly seeing how he really doesn't care about me but has used me, albeit with my consent, for almost four years now.
What a Christmas gift, huh?!

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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