Live-in Boyfriend May Need to Move

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Live-in Boyfriend May Need to Move
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 5:33pm
My boyfriend moved from California to Boston to be with me, but may need to get a job in NYC. He hates the job he took out here and is very ambitious. He was planning to get engaged this spring, but his parents announced they were getting divorced and he's upset and afraid. I completely understood before and was willing to be patient, but I am having major anxiety about the potential move. He tells me I'm crazy since he knows we'll get married and it would just be for one year (presumably I'd have to move to NYC after my position runs out in a year), but I can't calm down. I'm really insecure and afraid he'll find he likes being single, or that he'll start telling me to stay in Boston over the weekends (even though we agreed I'd commute between the two cities). Even my mother thinks I've gone overboard and keeps telling me I'm acting needy and will drive him away. But I can't help it and I feel like I have no control over the situation at all. His move to NYC pretty much dictates my career options, but he doesn't seem to recognize that.

My occupational field has a very small market, so I'd be lucky to get a job anywhere, let alone limit myself to a city where I have no connections. I'm trying not to be selfish, but I'm incredibly anxious and find thatthe times I'm able to calm down about our relationship, I start freaking out about my job prospects. To top things off, our landlord sold our building and we had told him earlier (before the potential for NYC came up) that we'd move in June before our lease ends in August. Someone finally bought the place and wants to move in June 1st, but I'm scared to broach the subject of whether or not we'll move to my boyfriend since I don't want to rush him. I have a lingering fear that if we have to make a quick decision, he'll say he just needs to go to New York which is definitely not what I want.

Any advice on how to cope with this would be very much appreciated.