livein byfrnd & child, y no comittment?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
livein byfrnd & child, y no comittment?
3
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 9:12pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years, have lived together for 1 yr and have a 5 month old son together. We share finances, friends, get along very well and love eachother very much. But... he won't commit to marriage. He says that he doesn't want to rush into it... We have a chld and live together, what exactly are we afraid of rushing into?! He insists that it isnt because he isnt sure about spending our lives together, but I feel like "what else could it be?" It is starting to cause alot of tension, mainly on my part... I feel very insecure about our relationship since he wont commit to a legal bond. My hurt is turning into anger and every time the topic is adressed, he brushes it off.... PLEASE GIVE ME ADVISE OR YOUR OPINION IF YOU HAVE BEEN IN A SIMILAR SITUATION. THANKS
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 8:42am

Take it from someone who knows and just shelled out quite a heft sum for a wedding less than a month ago. My husband and I were dating for 7 years a nd lived together for almost 6 og them. We shared everything, the same as you Im sure. Finally, we decided to get married. The only differnece is the debt you accumulate getting a wedding togerther.Lol....Really, Im seriuous. Well, and you have a peice of paper saying you are man and wife, legally and you sometimes (If you can afford it after everything is done), a honeymoon.


Im sure its not that your BF doesnt want to get married, but he may be looking at it from a financial point of view. These, days, unless your parents are very giving,. its not uncommon for the bride and groom to pay for everything themselves, and let me tell you- its pricey.


So, If all else is going well in the relationship....dont rush things and enjoy it the way it is right now. Everything will fall into place.



 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 8:48am
I am going the the exact same thing right now...we've been living together for a year, we have a 5 month old daughter, and he will not propose! so i finally got the guts to ask him what the deal was, and why he doesn't want to marry me, and it all comes down to finances...we just can't afford it... he can't afford the ring, because he's saving for a house for us (so we can stop renting). I think its sweet but it is frusterating. the important thing is to talk to your man rather than pressure him, or get angry with him. maybe he sees the logic financially too...communicate don't confront...

Kylilla.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 1:22pm
I also have a boyfriend of 2 1/2 years who lives with me and we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter. while the subject of marriage has come up we both agree that we want to marry but would rather wait until we are absolutely sure (i'm only 20-he is 26)and financially secure to have the big wedding that i have always dreamed about. We get along great 99% of the time but there are times when i have doubts about our relationship and i talk to him about it so we can work it out. i think everyone is insecure about their relationship at one time or another and being married won't change that. if you rush him and he goes along with marriage just to make you stop nagging him, then who's to say he won't cheat on you(or leave you)just because he is unhappy being tied down. if he wants to be unfaithfull, having a ring on his finger won't stop him from pleasing his needs first and not thinking of you and the baby. your child needs to have parents that can fullfill his needs first. if you are busy trying to make your boyfriend do something he is clearly not ready for, all three of you will be unhappy. i know that my boyfriend is all for marriage and so am i, but we love each other enough to know that wether we get married next week or 3 years from now our love will last if it's meant to last. if not, then we'll be glad we waited. having that ring on your(or his) finger won't mean a thing unless you BOTH are totally dedicated to your promise. Having a child doesn't mean you guys are meant to be together forever. He sounds like he isn't ready or mature enough to commit to you or your son. it's your choice if you want to wait it out but don't wait forever.