Living Together

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2007
Living Together
2
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 11:26pm

My bf and I just moved in together and are having some problems. The major one is the idea of consulting each other before making plans which affects the other. The two things I asked him were that he 1) talk with me before inviting friends over, as it is my place as well; and 2) talk with me before saying yes or no to an invitation that applies to both of us.

He says that he feels like he has to ask me permission all the time, and that he feels trapped. He then thinks that I am asking him to consult him on everything, including him going out with friends, when this is not what I am asking. I don't mind him going out with his friends as long as he eventually tells me about it.

I thought he understood what I was asking, but then he recently got angry with me when I did not talk to him before agreeing to go over to a co-worker's place for a BBQ (only I was invited)- saying that according to my "rules" I should have discussed this with him before saying yes.

I am so frustrated, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think that the 2 things I asked for are unreasonable. What do I do to solve this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 11:29pm

Hey, just so you know there is a "Living Together" forum that you might benefit from reading as well :)

The thing that I've learned about guys is that they HATE the idea of being controlled or having to ask permission for stuff. So the way to bring these issues up to him is not to make him feel like he needs to ask permission, but for you to phrase it in such a way so that he knows you're just asking him to be considerate of your feelings because you'd like some input too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 2:02pm

Welcome to the board andreal_96,


Well, even if the invitation was for you alone, it does effect him and what he does or doesn't do for that time you would be gone.