Lonely, suffocating, confused, no longer in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2011
Lonely, suffocating, confused, no longer in love
4
Thu, 12-22-2011 - 12:22pm

Hi. I feel like a bird in a cage. I've been in a very controlling relationship for nearly 10 years. I finally feel strong enough to leave him, but I just can't do it. We had a big blowout months ago where we decided to split, but there were some other very emotionally sensitive things going on in his life that the next morning, we decided to work it out. Things have changed a little for the better, and we don't fight nearly as often, but I feel like I'm not really trying to make it work, and even doing some things to rebel and destroy the relationship. I feel so lonely, even when he's right next to me. I'm not in love with him anymore, although I love him and care for him very much and really just want him to be happy. He says he's happy with me when we fight and I tell him I want to leave, but other times, when he's angry about something else, he'll say he's unhappy. I just don't know what he feels because he's always changing what he tells me. I feel suffocated, and very confused because I don't want to be without him in my life, and that's what he has said would happen if we split... that he wouldn't be able to talk to me or be around me, and I don't want that. I just don't know how to deal with this anymore, and I honestly don't know if I want to leave or stay. Sometimes it's one, sometimes the other. Am I just being a selfish baby and should I just stay and really try to make it work? Can I fall back in love with him somehow? Will anything ever change?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

You say "I just can't do it" but that is not the truth. You can. If you invent excuses why you "can't" then you will never make the change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think you should focus less on trying to decipher what he feels and figure out what you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2011

You really need to start thinking about whether you still want to be married to your husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

You feel strong enough to leave him, but you can't.