long distance affairs
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| Sun, 08-03-2008 - 1:13pm |
Well, first off, I have been married for the last 11 years, 12 together. This is my third marriage and his fifth. Last year my husband went to meet a friend he met online, girl, naturally. He only spent 2 days on and off with her, then we spent time with my in-laws, who live nearby. He never really commented on anything, but I had my suspicions. He said he slept on the couch in his sleeping bag. to make a long story short, she said she had breast cancer and would not remove her breasts for anything, she also told him she was engaged to be married, and that her fiancee would not touch her. I feel she did this only to trap a guy.
A few weeks later I noticed he had taken a substantial amount of money out. He works out of town, in another state, I'll admit I was curious but not to where I asked him about this. In October 2007, he became greatly ill and asked me to contact his friend, which I did, and found out that he had sent the money to her so that they could have a romantic weekend together. She told me that she would never pursue a married man, and sis not know he was.
My problem is that it has been almost a year and they still try to see each other. He says he doesn't want a divorce and neither do I. He just wants to see her occasionally, which I believe is true. I believe if he truly wanted to have a real relationship with her, he would be gone, not here with me ( he works 28 days then is off for 14). She has begun texting me emails that he sends to her involving sex. she seems to enjoy rubbing my face into her affair with my husband. I love him and believe he is going through his mid life crisis. He calls his relationship with her his mess and when I ask if he intends to clean it up, his response is yes, but not yet.
He has sent her numerous emails, questioning her so called "Love" for him, and telling her it isn't easy to leave someone, especially when they have done nothing wrong. His exact words, were, "It is hard to leave when I have had it so good," she responded then why leave. He gets mad when he can't reach me and when she is gone, he tells her to have FUN.
I have told him I would leave if it was what he wanted. He says no. He has also told me that he would find me and bring me back and we would end up living together anyway. I have low self esteem from the last two husbands, they at least left and never came back. This one stays but asks if he can go have fun, and comes back. I have been to therapy, one gave me drugs, one is too happy. My family and friends somewhat supports of my decision to stay, even though they question my sanity. There have been several flare ups with my husband and myself over this issue. Some did not end the way they should have. He became violent for a while, but has since calmed down. Needless to say, this is quite confusing to me. His friend told him once that everyone can have their cake and eat it too. I say no. Someone always loses in the end. I am trying desperately to save my marriage and recover from this infidelity. Any advice????

Any idea if infidelity was the cause of him having FOUR failed marriages under his belt? At the very best this guy couldn't learn after four tries how to have a successful marriage.
"I believe if he truly wanted to have a real relationship with her, he would be gone, not here with me"
Of course he doesn't want a relationship with her - that's not her function. Her function is sex.
You are justifying his awful treatment of you - as a fellow woman that makes me feel very sad. How can I POSSIBLY suggest that you stay with him? You don't need drugs, you need enough self-esteem to have the relationship you want and to leave if you're being treated badly.
Try to get to the gut of the matter...does this guy give you what you want and need in a relationship?
<< I am trying desperately to save my marriage and recover from this infidelity. Any advice????>>
Advice ... yes!