Long distance - Everything seems terrible but I can't go
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|Wed, 10-19-2011 - 2:30pm|
I've been in a long distance relationship for 1 year now and things seem to get out of control and I really need some advice...
A little background, we're both 20, it's his first relationship, we met online 5 years ago through a common friend and became very close friends until one year ago when I visited him for the first time (we live in different countries) and we fell in love and realized we wanted to be together. I always thought of him as a great person, perfect for me, one of my best friends, the whole experience was something very special for both of us. I can't describe how perfect everything seemed to be. Despite all that, I always tried to be realistic. We would be in a long distance relationship and see each other every 2 months, for about one week every time. We both knew it would be hard but we wanted to go for it anyway.
Now, it's been a year since we started this. Whenever we meet, everything is perfect, I feel like I'm the happiest person alive, we love each other so much and it's so good it feels unreal. There have been occasional fights and problems, but when we are together, it's all easy to handle and overcome.
The last few months though, we have realized that things are like this ONLY when we are together. We have been through terrible fights, swearing and shouting and crying, wanting to end the relationship. But that is only when we are apart. Those fights hurt us both too much and they are starting to affect our everyday lives. When we meet, everything is almost forgotten, it's as if we don't care about all the bad things that happened. But this is starting to become worse and worse, fighting almost every day because he can't control his temper and I'm losing my patience with trying to be gentle and we end up saying terrible things to each other.
Fights usually start when we talk about something we disagree on, or if I'm just feeling insecure and I need some reassurance and he doesn't seem to notice or he is too busy with his own problems to notice. I always expect him to show his love and care but he just feels that he can't express it, he is always scared that he will make me angry, scared that whatever he does, it will be a mistake. It's all too complicated. It's just SO easy for both of us to lose our temper. The worst thing is that those fights have made him colder and more distant, almost a different person than the one I see when we meet...
I don't want to leave him because I know that it will all be fine when I see him again. When we make up, we both say to each other how much we want this relationship and that we will do everything we can to work things out and this always gives me hope. I love him too much and what we have is very special, that's why I'm still fighting for it, but it's starting to wear us out. We have tried too much, talking about problems, encouraging each other, we've tried almost everything, but still it's too hard and I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like there's no solution to this. I've went through countless articles about long distance relationship problems and advice, but nothing seems to help.
Sorry if this was too long.