Long - but really need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Long - but really need advice
1
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 1:33pm
DH and I are married 4 years and have a 16 mos old son. DH started his own acct practice w/2 other men the beginning of the year. We've had to go into debt to buy into this, so to help out, I returned to work part-time last June while MIL watches DS (they only live 1/2 mile away, and MIL doesn't work).

Lately, she's complained about how much work it's been babysitting, her back isn't feeling ok, inlaws are facing problems w/other 2 sons and their lives, so they're very stressed. I offered to stop working to alleviate the pressure and burden placed on them.

DS is walking now and very active. So I figured this would be the best time to stay home w/my child.

DH is furious. He's not drawing a regular salary yet - only here and there - and it's not enough to support us. We have a mortgage, the debt to pay off from the purchase of the practice, car pmts, insurance, etc.....

So he doesn' want me to stop. He asks his mom to keep watching DS, and she agrees b/c she CANT say no to him. But she complains to me and my mom. So DH feels it's a no-brainer. But I feel I should stop and take over the responsibility God has given me as a mother. I'm not a huge career woman. I work at a bank 3 days a week. We have a decent amt of savings, but DH and his parents don't believe in dipping into it. So what is it there for?

And my parents feel I should have never gone back to work. So I'm being pulled in every corner.

DH says if I stop working, he'll take over the finances, paying bills, (which I do now), we'll have to cancel cable, internet service, and cancel our trip to the Caribbean in Sept. He'll take away my ATM card and give me cash each week. WHAT?!?!

I feel like I should continue to work to save my marriage. DH has wonderful qualities that I truly love, but his fear of financial strain is overwhelming. He obsesses over how to pay the bills all the time.

help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 2:21pm
How sad that his stress is making him push his mom into an uncomfortable position and she's unwilling to address the issue with him directly, he's not willing to listen to you... maybe a third party (counseling) would create a safe, quiet place to discuss this issue. If not, consider printing out your post and showing it to him.


Carrie